Labor of Love Doula and Childbirth Services Alexandra Joy Laing, a UGA journalism student interviewed me a few months back. She also interviewed Laurie Nicole Hickman Olinger and Julie Howard Moon in the article.
She just sent the link to the article is on the page! Here it is for you to read online: Article on Teresa I am proud of the article!
Thanks to Laurie and Julie for their contribution and to Alexandra for her expertise!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Why Hire a Postpartum Doula?
Many years ago, I read a book called “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamott. The book was the result of a diary Anne had kept, chronicling her son’s first year of life. It was a totally honest look at having a baby – depicting every messy, joyful, anxiety producing moment of having a newborn. She was a single mom who had the support of a loving friend, but was mainly winging it on her own. Because let’s face it, as the title indicates, these little people do not come with manuals. Thinking back on that book, I realize that Anne could have really benefited from a postpartum doula.
Many times when I tell people that I’m a postpartum doula, they ask exactly what do I do. Well a postpartum doula is like a mom, sister and friend all wrapped up in one. She will make sure the new mom is taking care of herself: napping, drinking water, eating snacks and meals prepared for her. She will also help with nursing: getting a good latch, trying different nursing positions, increasing milk supply etc. We teach various soothing techniques for the baby, what Dr. Harvey Karp – “The Happiest Baby on the Block” author calls the 5 S’s (swaddling, swaying, sucking, shhshing, sling wearing). We do laundry, light housekeeping, and organizing the nursery. While a mom, sister, or friend might do all of the things I have mentioned above, they might also bring their own baggage along and I’m not talking about their suitcases. Friends and family mean well, however they may let their own experiences dictate what they think you should do and what they believe is best. A postpartum doula supports you; she doesn’t tell you what to do. The information she gives has no agenda and is strictly evidence based. So when do you start thinking about hiring a postpartum doula?
Just as you wouldn’t hire a labor doula when you are in labor, you don’t want to wait until you have the baby to consider postpartum help. Before the baby arrives, think about the kind of help that you might need and would be most beneficial to you. Think about whom best would provide that help. It may be a mother, aunt, sister or friend or you may want a postpartum doula. Planning ahead who will support you after your birth will go a long way in making the transition into parenthood much smoother.
By Patricia Schultz
Many times when I tell people that I’m a postpartum doula, they ask exactly what do I do. Well a postpartum doula is like a mom, sister and friend all wrapped up in one. She will make sure the new mom is taking care of herself: napping, drinking water, eating snacks and meals prepared for her. She will also help with nursing: getting a good latch, trying different nursing positions, increasing milk supply etc. We teach various soothing techniques for the baby, what Dr. Harvey Karp – “The Happiest Baby on the Block” author calls the 5 S’s (swaddling, swaying, sucking, shhshing, sling wearing). We do laundry, light housekeeping, and organizing the nursery. While a mom, sister, or friend might do all of the things I have mentioned above, they might also bring their own baggage along and I’m not talking about their suitcases. Friends and family mean well, however they may let their own experiences dictate what they think you should do and what they believe is best. A postpartum doula supports you; she doesn’t tell you what to do. The information she gives has no agenda and is strictly evidence based. So when do you start thinking about hiring a postpartum doula?
Just as you wouldn’t hire a labor doula when you are in labor, you don’t want to wait until you have the baby to consider postpartum help. Before the baby arrives, think about the kind of help that you might need and would be most beneficial to you. Think about whom best would provide that help. It may be a mother, aunt, sister or friend or you may want a postpartum doula. Planning ahead who will support you after your birth will go a long way in making the transition into parenthood much smoother.
By Patricia Schultz
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
All Things to All Women
Paul said in 1 Corinithians 9:22b, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some."
As doulas we become what a woman, what a couple needs us to be for them in labor. When you meet a doula at a party, she may be in her party mode - not her birth support mode. When you meet her at a function where she is facilitating a meeting or a class, she is in teacher or facilitator mode, not labor guide mode. Just as you do not plan to have your party mode on during your labor, realize you will be different than you "normally" are during that time as well.
Sometimes women will say, I will need someone strong in my labor - that is you. Or they may say, I need someone to mother me in labor- that is you. Or I want someone who is gentle and quiet in my labor- will that be you? I think it is imperative to say that we become what you need us to be in that moment in labor. You really have no idea what you may need. We have no idea what you may need either. But our job is to rise to the occasion and be what you need.
Sometimes your partner will determine what they need in labor as far as labor support. Perhaps they want to be very hands on and want to make sure that the labor support does not take on their role. Perhaps they want to be very hands off and do not want to feel forced into a role they are not comfortable with. This just needs to be communicated prior to labor. But realize this role may need to be changed in labor or you may desire to switch gears without prior knowledge as well.
So, let your doula know what you may desire. Also think about the setting you met her in... realize that is not her all the time- that is one facet of her personality. Just as you are multifaceted, so are we. We truly try to become all things to all women as to support their needs in labor.
As doulas we become what a woman, what a couple needs us to be for them in labor. When you meet a doula at a party, she may be in her party mode - not her birth support mode. When you meet her at a function where she is facilitating a meeting or a class, she is in teacher or facilitator mode, not labor guide mode. Just as you do not plan to have your party mode on during your labor, realize you will be different than you "normally" are during that time as well.
Sometimes women will say, I will need someone strong in my labor - that is you. Or they may say, I need someone to mother me in labor- that is you. Or I want someone who is gentle and quiet in my labor- will that be you? I think it is imperative to say that we become what you need us to be in that moment in labor. You really have no idea what you may need. We have no idea what you may need either. But our job is to rise to the occasion and be what you need.
Sometimes your partner will determine what they need in labor as far as labor support. Perhaps they want to be very hands on and want to make sure that the labor support does not take on their role. Perhaps they want to be very hands off and do not want to feel forced into a role they are not comfortable with. This just needs to be communicated prior to labor. But realize this role may need to be changed in labor or you may desire to switch gears without prior knowledge as well.
So, let your doula know what you may desire. Also think about the setting you met her in... realize that is not her all the time- that is one facet of her personality. Just as you are multifaceted, so are we. We truly try to become all things to all women as to support their needs in labor.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Watch the Language Around You!
Imagine you are driving down a road- it is not clear where you are going. The weather outside is beginning to be unpredictable. You turn on the radio and the commentator keeps saying he does not think the road is open ahead. In fact he says multiple times you may be able to drive down the road but that does not mean you will be able to get through this huge roadblock ahead. You may have the gas to get there- you may have a car that works to get you there- but it does not mean you will be able to get through the roadblock.
A passenger in the car may encourage you that you can do it. But all you can see ahead is a red flashing light saying STOP! TURN AROUND!
I want to share with you the language used in two births I attended recently. One was a mom attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after a previous cesarean) and one was a first time mom having her labor augmented. I want you to consider the mind body connection and how this type of language can interfere with a mom's ability to believe in her body- her baby- and her birth.
The doctor came into the room and after suggesting that Pitocin was needed commented, "He can get anyone to dilate but that did not mean you could get the baby to be born vaginally."
Later he came in and said, "He was sure this baby was over 9.5 pounds and the baby’s head was molding a lot. But he was unsure if this baby really was going to fit." (the baby weighed 8# 14 oz)
He returned an hour later and said, "He hates pushing cause he knows the damage it can do. He has to do so much reconstructive surgery on women due to pushing out big babies."
After having to stay in the hospital all night since she was a VBAC, he made the comment, "That there was no financial viability in doing VBACs like this. It was not cost effective for him."
He later came in and shared how awful it was to have to bump a doctor out of the OR for his planned cesarean deliveries when a mom waited til just before 7am to have her cesarean called. He told her he would not impose that schedule change on another doctor as he hated it when it was done to him. He would be calling this before he had to do that.
He was certainly surprised when only an hour or so later when she pushed her daughter our vaginally into the hands of her supportive midwife. He even said, "You certainly surprised me!"
The next mom had a doctor who was very gentle and encouraging for the most part. He would come in and although she was not progressing he would offer that she could do nothing and keep going. But he would offer the caveat that she was an older mom- she was 34 years old. How our uterus was really meant to have babies in our 20's.
He then would return and say almost identical to the first doc, "I can get you fully dilated, but that does not mean this baby is going to fit out your vagina."
He would encourage her to keep doing what she was doing but would end each statement with, "I don't think this baby will fit."
He would also offer up that in Ireland they are doing active management of labor. "The active management of labor, first introduced by O'Driscoll et al in the 1960s at the National Maternity Hospital in Dublin, Ireland,5 is a group of interventions initially devised to ensure short labors in nulliparous (never having given birth before) women. In addition, active management of labor was noted to be associated with a lower cesarean section rate,6,7 which was thought to be due to a decrease in the number of cesarean deliveries performed for dystocia. Three randomized studies have been done to evaluate the efficacy of active management of labor.8,9,10 These studies have demonstrated significant decreases in the duration of labor and the incidence of infectious morbidity, as well as a trend toward lower cesarean section rates." What this really means is they gave moms huge amounts of Pitocin after breaking their water and pushed their labors into a short but frenzied labor. There was no discussion of how the Pitocin may effect the baby or mom. Nor was there any consideration for the type of birth experience this left the mom with. But he said it is catching momentum with doctors!
So after not progressing for several hours, this mom had her water broken and then active labor began. She did get fully dilated but after a little more than an hour with constant comments on how this baby, "was not going to fit." and a declaration that the baby had a capput- the swelling of the soft tissue on his head, a cesarean was strongly encouraged.
I am not sure if this doctor felt the same way as the first about having his surgery schedule messed with- since the call was made just before 6am and the scheduled cesareans begin at 7am. I am unsure if this doctor was just tired of waiting. I am unsure if this mom really could not fit this baby through her pelvis. (The baby was just under 8 pounds.) I am unsure we will ever know.
But what I do know is it is hard to keep driving forward when the red flashing lights are blaring at you. It is hard to keep moving ahead when those you feel are in authority are saying you can get there but you will never make it through the roadblock that they see.
The mind body connection is a strong one. But it is also so hard when you are feeling so vulnerable. When you are second guessing your ability, when the ones you believe can guide you best are not believing the dream you had planned, it is shaky ground. It is a highly emotionally charged time. You do not know the decisions that are right all the time- when you look back later you wonder... but you have to make the decisions that feel right in that instance. It is not black and white. There is no clarity. It is easy for those on the outside to second guess your choices. It is awful when someone says you made the wrong decision. They were not there! They did not feel what you felt!
And what about the baby? What about the mom's intuitive spirit? One mom hoped she would be able to birth her baby vaginally this time and she did. One mom had no idea she would be having a surgical birth. Some of her friends had opted to do so without labor. She had discussed this early in her labor with me. I thought it a curious conversation at the time. I wonder if her body was letting her know something. I wonder if she needed to know that laboring first before a planned cesarean had its benefits. When later she felt something just was not working, it makes me wonder if that came from her internal spirit or was it a seed this doctor had planted. We won't ever know for sure.
But when you are driving down a road- it is not always clear where you are going. The weather can be unpredictable. Those in authority may believe you will not be able to get through this huge roadblock ahead. You must believe what you have come to believe as truth. You must shut out the negative voices around you and give it your best try. Then you will either find out they did not speak the truth for you- you either do make it through the road block or indeed it is one that is insurmountable. But what you will know is this- you gave it your best. You did not quit due to non belief.
And with that I pray you will surround yourself with voices of affirmation. I pray you will surround yourself with support along the way so you can get the information you need to make your decisions. I hope you will face your roadblocks with courage.
A passenger in the car may encourage you that you can do it. But all you can see ahead is a red flashing light saying STOP! TURN AROUND!
I want to share with you the language used in two births I attended recently. One was a mom attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after a previous cesarean) and one was a first time mom having her labor augmented. I want you to consider the mind body connection and how this type of language can interfere with a mom's ability to believe in her body- her baby- and her birth.
The doctor came into the room and after suggesting that Pitocin was needed commented, "He can get anyone to dilate but that did not mean you could get the baby to be born vaginally."
Later he came in and said, "He was sure this baby was over 9.5 pounds and the baby’s head was molding a lot. But he was unsure if this baby really was going to fit." (the baby weighed 8# 14 oz)
He returned an hour later and said, "He hates pushing cause he knows the damage it can do. He has to do so much reconstructive surgery on women due to pushing out big babies."
After having to stay in the hospital all night since she was a VBAC, he made the comment, "That there was no financial viability in doing VBACs like this. It was not cost effective for him."
He later came in and shared how awful it was to have to bump a doctor out of the OR for his planned cesarean deliveries when a mom waited til just before 7am to have her cesarean called. He told her he would not impose that schedule change on another doctor as he hated it when it was done to him. He would be calling this before he had to do that.
He was certainly surprised when only an hour or so later when she pushed her daughter our vaginally into the hands of her supportive midwife. He even said, "You certainly surprised me!"
The next mom had a doctor who was very gentle and encouraging for the most part. He would come in and although she was not progressing he would offer that she could do nothing and keep going. But he would offer the caveat that she was an older mom- she was 34 years old. How our uterus was really meant to have babies in our 20's.
He then would return and say almost identical to the first doc, "I can get you fully dilated, but that does not mean this baby is going to fit out your vagina."
He would encourage her to keep doing what she was doing but would end each statement with, "I don't think this baby will fit."
He would also offer up that in Ireland they are doing active management of labor. "The active management of labor, first introduced by O'Driscoll et al in the 1960s at the National Maternity Hospital in Dublin, Ireland,5 is a group of interventions initially devised to ensure short labors in nulliparous (never having given birth before) women. In addition, active management of labor was noted to be associated with a lower cesarean section rate,6,7 which was thought to be due to a decrease in the number of cesarean deliveries performed for dystocia. Three randomized studies have been done to evaluate the efficacy of active management of labor.8,9,10 These studies have demonstrated significant decreases in the duration of labor and the incidence of infectious morbidity, as well as a trend toward lower cesarean section rates." What this really means is they gave moms huge amounts of Pitocin after breaking their water and pushed their labors into a short but frenzied labor. There was no discussion of how the Pitocin may effect the baby or mom. Nor was there any consideration for the type of birth experience this left the mom with. But he said it is catching momentum with doctors!
So after not progressing for several hours, this mom had her water broken and then active labor began. She did get fully dilated but after a little more than an hour with constant comments on how this baby, "was not going to fit." and a declaration that the baby had a capput- the swelling of the soft tissue on his head, a cesarean was strongly encouraged.
I am not sure if this doctor felt the same way as the first about having his surgery schedule messed with- since the call was made just before 6am and the scheduled cesareans begin at 7am. I am unsure if this doctor was just tired of waiting. I am unsure if this mom really could not fit this baby through her pelvis. (The baby was just under 8 pounds.) I am unsure we will ever know.
But what I do know is it is hard to keep driving forward when the red flashing lights are blaring at you. It is hard to keep moving ahead when those you feel are in authority are saying you can get there but you will never make it through the roadblock that they see.
The mind body connection is a strong one. But it is also so hard when you are feeling so vulnerable. When you are second guessing your ability, when the ones you believe can guide you best are not believing the dream you had planned, it is shaky ground. It is a highly emotionally charged time. You do not know the decisions that are right all the time- when you look back later you wonder... but you have to make the decisions that feel right in that instance. It is not black and white. There is no clarity. It is easy for those on the outside to second guess your choices. It is awful when someone says you made the wrong decision. They were not there! They did not feel what you felt!
And what about the baby? What about the mom's intuitive spirit? One mom hoped she would be able to birth her baby vaginally this time and she did. One mom had no idea she would be having a surgical birth. Some of her friends had opted to do so without labor. She had discussed this early in her labor with me. I thought it a curious conversation at the time. I wonder if her body was letting her know something. I wonder if she needed to know that laboring first before a planned cesarean had its benefits. When later she felt something just was not working, it makes me wonder if that came from her internal spirit or was it a seed this doctor had planted. We won't ever know for sure.
But when you are driving down a road- it is not always clear where you are going. The weather can be unpredictable. Those in authority may believe you will not be able to get through this huge roadblock ahead. You must believe what you have come to believe as truth. You must shut out the negative voices around you and give it your best try. Then you will either find out they did not speak the truth for you- you either do make it through the road block or indeed it is one that is insurmountable. But what you will know is this- you gave it your best. You did not quit due to non belief.
And with that I pray you will surround yourself with voices of affirmation. I pray you will surround yourself with support along the way so you can get the information you need to make your decisions. I hope you will face your roadblocks with courage.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Metamorphisis of a Mother
I recently talked to a new mom. She was having her baby blues moments and felt a bit lost. She said she felt she had lost herself - the woman she had been for three decades of her life was now gone- she was a mother. Her identity as her old self she felt was gone.
As she talked she also was mourning the time she once had with her husband as a couple... just the two of them. She felt she missed him so much. He had gone back to work and she was taking care of the baby on her own now during the day.
I remembered something I had read by Thich Nhat Hanh where he shared about a father who at one time felt he had to divide or compartmentalize his life into his time, his time with his wife, his time with each child. And somehow he never had enough of his time. How often do I hear parents say this? But this father went on to share with the monk that indeed he had more time now since he no longer separated himself out of the time he spent with others. He felt it was his time when he spent time with his son-- not his son's time. He felt it was his time when he spent time with his wife- not just her time.
I shared with this new mom the thought of metamorphosis. We can still see the caterpillar when we look closely at the butterfly. She is not gone at all- only changed. She is still present in the butterfly... only made more beautiful now.
If we look at motherhood as a loss of our maidenhood and our couple status now changed to one of family loosing the couple we have failed to see the beauty of metamorphosis in our lives. Change is not something to be afraid of- it is something to be embraced.
I am an "empty nester" now- but still a mother- and now morphed into a grandmother as well. My relationship with my husband has changed once more as our roll as parents have changed. It is one more passage on our journey of life.
I encouraged this mom to consider a water color picture... one where the colors blend one into the other. Instead of seeing our lives as static colors not merging into one another- when we blend the colors as they meet, it makes a beautiful flowing picture.
The emblem of the butterfly has always meant something really special to me. Our company logo is a metamorphosing warrior woman. Not a loss of the maiden- but the new birth as a mother. Nothing loss at all- only changed to be made more beautiful.
I wanted to share some quotes by Thich Nhat Hanh that I think convey this message as well.
“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”
So when I read this I think we can not dwell on what has been lost at all- we must move ahead in order to embrace life- but we need to be still and feel where we are right now- in the present to fully feel alive. As parents we are usually in such a hurry to get our children into the next stage of life that we don't fully appreciate where we are right now in their lives. We need to be still and present where we are- knowing it will not last forever- but will be changing quickly enough.
"Everyday we do things, we are things that have to do with peace. If we are aware of our life..., our way of looking at things, we will know how to make peace right in the moment, we are alive."
As new mothers we are also competitive.. "is your child sleeping through the night yet?" "does johnny have a tooth yet?" "is sally eating solids yet..." You get my drift? We need to be at peace with where we are and our children are- one day at a time. Peace comes with acceptance. Not being compliant about the things you hope for and want to change- but acceptance of where you are now so you can begin to live and make the changes you desire.
"We cannot enjoy life if we spend a lot of time worrying about what happened yesterday and what will happen tomorrow . We worry about tomorrow because we are afraid. If we are afraid all the time, we cannot appreciate that we are alive and can be happy now."
I love what the bible says, Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
As new parents we are full of worry. We worry about the kind of parents we will become. We worry about our children's future. We worry about their health and ours. We worry about our finances and providing for our children. But if you look back on your life- notice the things that brought you happiness and joy. Worry was not part of that. Living is what brought happiness.
“The beginning of wisdom is wonder, and the spark of wonder is kindled in the person who sees the world as new.”
As new parents if we embrace the newness with wonder instead of fear and anxiety, we will see some things about ourselves and our children that would have been missed otherwise. Looking back we notice how we managed to get through events that made us afraid before doing them. Embrace newness of events with this wonder that the monk refers to here and you may find an excitement you failed to see before.
"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand-new hours to live.What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others."
Yes as a new parent morning may come sooner than you wanted with little sleep from the night before... but I love the way God brings the darkness at night and the sun in the morning as a way to remind us it is new day- a new time to start over- to move forward on a new journey.
Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see. The question is whether or not we are in touch with it. We don't have to travel far away to enjoy the blue sky. We don't have to leave our city or even our neighborhood to enjoy the eyes of a beautiful child. Even the air we breathe can be a source of joy."
So hold your baby in your arms- sniff that beautiful baby smell into your nostrils. Realize it is a new day, a new journey, a new experience... and live!
"We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment."
As she talked she also was mourning the time she once had with her husband as a couple... just the two of them. She felt she missed him so much. He had gone back to work and she was taking care of the baby on her own now during the day.
I remembered something I had read by Thich Nhat Hanh where he shared about a father who at one time felt he had to divide or compartmentalize his life into his time, his time with his wife, his time with each child. And somehow he never had enough of his time. How often do I hear parents say this? But this father went on to share with the monk that indeed he had more time now since he no longer separated himself out of the time he spent with others. He felt it was his time when he spent time with his son-- not his son's time. He felt it was his time when he spent time with his wife- not just her time.
I shared with this new mom the thought of metamorphosis. We can still see the caterpillar when we look closely at the butterfly. She is not gone at all- only changed. She is still present in the butterfly... only made more beautiful now.
If we look at motherhood as a loss of our maidenhood and our couple status now changed to one of family loosing the couple we have failed to see the beauty of metamorphosis in our lives. Change is not something to be afraid of- it is something to be embraced.
I am an "empty nester" now- but still a mother- and now morphed into a grandmother as well. My relationship with my husband has changed once more as our roll as parents have changed. It is one more passage on our journey of life.
I encouraged this mom to consider a water color picture... one where the colors blend one into the other. Instead of seeing our lives as static colors not merging into one another- when we blend the colors as they meet, it makes a beautiful flowing picture.
The emblem of the butterfly has always meant something really special to me. Our company logo is a metamorphosing warrior woman. Not a loss of the maiden- but the new birth as a mother. Nothing loss at all- only changed to be made more beautiful.
I wanted to share some quotes by Thich Nhat Hanh that I think convey this message as well.
“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”
So when I read this I think we can not dwell on what has been lost at all- we must move ahead in order to embrace life- but we need to be still and feel where we are right now- in the present to fully feel alive. As parents we are usually in such a hurry to get our children into the next stage of life that we don't fully appreciate where we are right now in their lives. We need to be still and present where we are- knowing it will not last forever- but will be changing quickly enough.
"Everyday we do things, we are things that have to do with peace. If we are aware of our life..., our way of looking at things, we will know how to make peace right in the moment, we are alive."
As new mothers we are also competitive.. "is your child sleeping through the night yet?" "does johnny have a tooth yet?" "is sally eating solids yet..." You get my drift? We need to be at peace with where we are and our children are- one day at a time. Peace comes with acceptance. Not being compliant about the things you hope for and want to change- but acceptance of where you are now so you can begin to live and make the changes you desire.
"We cannot enjoy life if we spend a lot of time worrying about what happened yesterday and what will happen tomorrow . We worry about tomorrow because we are afraid. If we are afraid all the time, we cannot appreciate that we are alive and can be happy now."
I love what the bible says, Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
As new parents we are full of worry. We worry about the kind of parents we will become. We worry about our children's future. We worry about their health and ours. We worry about our finances and providing for our children. But if you look back on your life- notice the things that brought you happiness and joy. Worry was not part of that. Living is what brought happiness.
“The beginning of wisdom is wonder, and the spark of wonder is kindled in the person who sees the world as new.”
As new parents if we embrace the newness with wonder instead of fear and anxiety, we will see some things about ourselves and our children that would have been missed otherwise. Looking back we notice how we managed to get through events that made us afraid before doing them. Embrace newness of events with this wonder that the monk refers to here and you may find an excitement you failed to see before.
"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand-new hours to live.What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others."
Yes as a new parent morning may come sooner than you wanted with little sleep from the night before... but I love the way God brings the darkness at night and the sun in the morning as a way to remind us it is new day- a new time to start over- to move forward on a new journey.
Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see. The question is whether or not we are in touch with it. We don't have to travel far away to enjoy the blue sky. We don't have to leave our city or even our neighborhood to enjoy the eyes of a beautiful child. Even the air we breathe can be a source of joy."
So hold your baby in your arms- sniff that beautiful baby smell into your nostrils. Realize it is a new day, a new journey, a new experience... and live!
"We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment."
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Informed: Not Bamboozled
I was thinking about the role of a doula today. Sometimes folks say they want a doula to "protect" them or "intervene on their behalf" or "advocate" for them or "play interference with the staff".
I am not sure that is the real role a doula needs to have at a birth. Ideally you have met with your doula and given her an idea of the birth ideals you have. What you feel strongly about and those things you are more flexible about allowing to unfold within the journey of your birth. She also can help you to explore some ideas you may not have considered yet for your birth dreams.
But in the labor itself, her job is to support you. If you feel the need to be protected- you are probably not in the right location and have not chosen the right folks to be at your birth. If you need her to intervene for you, I wonder where your voice is during your labor- and did you communicate your desires beforehand to the support team you have? Yes things may change along the way- and she can help you communicate the changes if they occur- but intervention on your behalf is edging on speaking for you and that may be a bit dis-empowering to you. She may help you to communicate your thoughts at times you are unable to do so clearly- but a doula must be careful to not speak for the woman because it may not be accurate to what the woman feels and it is can be construed as overstepping her bounds and making your decisions for you. This is where advocating for a woman gets a bit tricky. I have written about this before. I advocate by reminding the mom of her options- reminding her of her original birth ideals- helping her to formulate her questions in order to get the answers she seeks and supporting her in her decisions.
I feel my job is to support- to offer encouragement and ideas to help facilitate the kind of birth outcome she desires. My job is to make sure she is getting the information she needs to make the right decisions for her.
Recently I had a mom make a decision in her labor to move forward with a cesarean birth. Whether I agreed with her decision or not was not important. Whether I would have done the same thing was inconsequential to her making her decision. What I want to walk away knowing is that she made this decision by gathering information and assessing in her situation if that is what she wanted to do. I want to make sure she has been given options and then been able to determine what is the right thing for her. My job is to try to make sure she is not bamboozled or bullied or driven by fear that has been pushed on her in making this decision.
I feel that the role of the doula is that of support- not second guessing or berating the mom herself by in not agreeing with the mom doing her own bamboozling of the mom. If she has been able to make good decisions all along, what makes us think given the space, opportunity and information, she is unable to make good decisions now?
I am not sure that is the real role a doula needs to have at a birth. Ideally you have met with your doula and given her an idea of the birth ideals you have. What you feel strongly about and those things you are more flexible about allowing to unfold within the journey of your birth. She also can help you to explore some ideas you may not have considered yet for your birth dreams.
But in the labor itself, her job is to support you. If you feel the need to be protected- you are probably not in the right location and have not chosen the right folks to be at your birth. If you need her to intervene for you, I wonder where your voice is during your labor- and did you communicate your desires beforehand to the support team you have? Yes things may change along the way- and she can help you communicate the changes if they occur- but intervention on your behalf is edging on speaking for you and that may be a bit dis-empowering to you. She may help you to communicate your thoughts at times you are unable to do so clearly- but a doula must be careful to not speak for the woman because it may not be accurate to what the woman feels and it is can be construed as overstepping her bounds and making your decisions for you. This is where advocating for a woman gets a bit tricky. I have written about this before. I advocate by reminding the mom of her options- reminding her of her original birth ideals- helping her to formulate her questions in order to get the answers she seeks and supporting her in her decisions.
I feel my job is to support- to offer encouragement and ideas to help facilitate the kind of birth outcome she desires. My job is to make sure she is getting the information she needs to make the right decisions for her.
Recently I had a mom make a decision in her labor to move forward with a cesarean birth. Whether I agreed with her decision or not was not important. Whether I would have done the same thing was inconsequential to her making her decision. What I want to walk away knowing is that she made this decision by gathering information and assessing in her situation if that is what she wanted to do. I want to make sure she has been given options and then been able to determine what is the right thing for her. My job is to try to make sure she is not bamboozled or bullied or driven by fear that has been pushed on her in making this decision.
I feel that the role of the doula is that of support- not second guessing or berating the mom herself by in not agreeing with the mom doing her own bamboozling of the mom. If she has been able to make good decisions all along, what makes us think given the space, opportunity and information, she is unable to make good decisions now?
Friday, March 19, 2010
Active Labor?
This is a curious phrase.. Active Labor...
When you ask moms when their labors started it is funny when they think they were in active labor. Some think it is when their water broke although it was not accompanied by contractions. Others think it was when they felt the first contraction- but others would say they had felt contractions for days before they were regular. Some would say it was when they began to have to concentrate and work during their labors.
Recently I had a mom who was contracting regularly and working with many of the contractions- having to concentrate and stay focused. But her cervix was not changing at all. The doctor came in and did an exam and said that active labor was, "when you are contracting regularly and it is making a change to your cervix." This mom was not happy when he said she was not yet in "active labor" as she felt she was working hard already. He in fact suggested she either go home or allow him to get her in active labor by either breaking her water or starting Pitocin.
Recently I had a mom who entered the hospital at the direction of the nurse at her doctors office since she had a list of regular contractions on a piece of paper documenting her labor. She was chatty and her demeanor was light and engaging. She entered the hospital and the nurse even said she was probably going to go home as she did not appear to be in labor. But the doctor came over to check her and found her to be 3-4 centimeters dilated. He said she was in "active labor" and they would be keeping her at the hospital.
Now often times we hear stories of women who walked around 3-4 centimeter or even more for weeks- obviously not in "active labor" but definitely contracting some and making changes in their cervix. But this mom stayed at the hospital and over several hours her contractions came in a gentle but irregular fashion and never made any change to her cervix. They even discussed going home but did not do so. Eventually the doctor broke her water and her labor became active.
Women are confused when they go in and hear differing opinions- do I go home? Am I in active labor? If I am not in active labor, how will I know when I am if this is not it? Is this a dysfunctional labor or is this not really labor at all? Is this prodromal labor or early labor?
I wish I could offer a definitive answer. The truth is no one really knows. Moms have had babies in the car or at home when their labor patterns were so irregular everyone listening to their dialogue of what is happening said- it is too early to come in. And moms have sounded like they were in active labor on the phone with their care providers only to get to the hospital and be told they were 1cm dilated.
Labor and labor patterns remain a mystery. For care providers to say it must be regular and painful to be active labor is proven every now and then to not be so. And for care providers to push a woman into active labor when her body is warming up but not quite ready may not be fair either. In fact so much of a woman's labor pattern has been misunderstood today because so many labors are not allowed to unfold naturally- they are so over managed by intervention that normal, natural labor is being lost.
Here is what others define "active labor" as:
Birthing Naturally says, "Eventually, the contractions that you have been experiencing will become stronger and more intense. You will also find that as time progresses the contractions are getting closer together and lasting longer. When this happens, you will have moved into active labor. You will find that as active labor progresses, you will become more serious or "focused" during your contractions. You may find yourself slowly moving from not talking during the peak of a contraction - to not talking during a contraction - to barely talking even between contractions. You may also find that your movements become slower and more deliberate as you progress through active labor. Eventually you may even be at the point that moving between contractions is uncomfortable and difficult to manage."
Baby Center says, "During active labor, your cervix begins to dilate more rapidly and contractions are longer, stronger, and closer together. People often refer to the last part of active labor as "transition."
Transition to Parenthood says, "What’s happening: Cervix is completely effaced, goes from 4-8 cm dilation. Contractions 3-5 minutes apart, lasting 40-70 seconds. Contractions become more painful. Duration: 30 minutes to 10 hours. The physician’s expectation for progress during this time is 1 cm dilation per hour; if you’re dilating at less than half that rate, a physician may prescribe Pitocin.
However, a recent study indicates that at non-augmented births, the average / normal amount of time between 4 cm and 10 cm is 7½ hours, and that abnormal progress shouldn’t be declared unless it has taken over 19½ hours for first-time moms (that’s less than 1 cm for every three hours). Abnormal progress shouldn’t be declared until 13½ hours for a woman who has given birth before. (Albers) If mom is doing fine, and baby is doing fine, then parents can ask the caregiver whether Pitocin is essential or whether it is possible to let labor proceed at its own pace.
Mom’s Mood. One of the biggest indicators that active labor has begun is a big change in mom’s mood: she becomes much more serious. During a contraction, the contraction takes all of her energy and concentration: she can’t walk and talk during a contraction. She doesn’t like distractions in between contractions; just wants to focus on labor. This can be a good time to go to the hospital."
Women Heath Care Topics shares, "Active labor is characterized by three distinct phases:* Stage One - The cervix dilates and effaces, * Stage Two - The baby is born
* Stage Three - The placenta is delivered.
Giving Birth Naturally offers, "Active labor is when birthing becomes more serious. As you become more serious with each contraction, relaxation and breathing become very important. Tuning out distraction and creating a positive environment will be important. You may feel the desire to have your birth companion present but may not want to be touched or bothered at this point. WHAT & HOW YOU MAY FEEL:
* Contractions that are Closer Together and Require Your Attention
* Need for Physical Support
* Need for Emotional Support
* Less Interest in Eating/Drinking
* Desire for Quiet so You can Focus
BEHAVIOR & ATTITUDE:
* Turning Inward
* More Focused
* Averse to Distractions
* Restlessness
OTHER SIGNS & SYMPTOMS:
* Bloody Show
* Diarrhea
* Rupture of Membranes
* Increased Pressure
* Lightening
* Nausea"
So you can see it can be confusing. It is not the same for every woman. It is not easily defined. I share what someone once told me- "You know she is in active labor by her demeanor. The meaner she gets the more active she is in labor!"
I tell my students three things will happen: The contractions get longer- lasting more than a full minute. The contractions get closer together- not all over the place but a regular pattern that is closer together. If you plan to get medication then 511 is a good time to go- five minutes apart, lasting one minute for at least one hour. If you are looking for a less interventive birth experience, then 411 is a better time to go. But all three things need to be in play USUALLY. If you are talking through contractions, laughing and walking around easily and they are 3 minutes apart, you may not be in active labor. If they are 6 minutes apart but lasting 90 seconds and are kicking your butt, you could be. See? This is confusing at best!
So guess what? You need to be the judge! If you think it is time to call your care provider to come to the house for your home birth, or go to the hospital for your birth- then go. You do not have to stay! The studies show if you go to the hospital and you are 3cm or less and your water is intact, you should go home. Otherwise you are at a 50% increase of having a surgical birth- why? Because you are probably not in active labor and the care provider will push your labor to get you there- by breaking your water or adding Pitocin to the situation to help "move you along." And if your body or baby is not ready- well then you may end up with a cesarean.
If you are wondering, "Is this the real deal?" it probably is not. Most moms will tell you, you will know when it is the real deal.
When you ask moms when their labors started it is funny when they think they were in active labor. Some think it is when their water broke although it was not accompanied by contractions. Others think it was when they felt the first contraction- but others would say they had felt contractions for days before they were regular. Some would say it was when they began to have to concentrate and work during their labors.
Recently I had a mom who was contracting regularly and working with many of the contractions- having to concentrate and stay focused. But her cervix was not changing at all. The doctor came in and did an exam and said that active labor was, "when you are contracting regularly and it is making a change to your cervix." This mom was not happy when he said she was not yet in "active labor" as she felt she was working hard already. He in fact suggested she either go home or allow him to get her in active labor by either breaking her water or starting Pitocin.
Recently I had a mom who entered the hospital at the direction of the nurse at her doctors office since she had a list of regular contractions on a piece of paper documenting her labor. She was chatty and her demeanor was light and engaging. She entered the hospital and the nurse even said she was probably going to go home as she did not appear to be in labor. But the doctor came over to check her and found her to be 3-4 centimeters dilated. He said she was in "active labor" and they would be keeping her at the hospital.
Now often times we hear stories of women who walked around 3-4 centimeter or even more for weeks- obviously not in "active labor" but definitely contracting some and making changes in their cervix. But this mom stayed at the hospital and over several hours her contractions came in a gentle but irregular fashion and never made any change to her cervix. They even discussed going home but did not do so. Eventually the doctor broke her water and her labor became active.
Women are confused when they go in and hear differing opinions- do I go home? Am I in active labor? If I am not in active labor, how will I know when I am if this is not it? Is this a dysfunctional labor or is this not really labor at all? Is this prodromal labor or early labor?
I wish I could offer a definitive answer. The truth is no one really knows. Moms have had babies in the car or at home when their labor patterns were so irregular everyone listening to their dialogue of what is happening said- it is too early to come in. And moms have sounded like they were in active labor on the phone with their care providers only to get to the hospital and be told they were 1cm dilated.
Labor and labor patterns remain a mystery. For care providers to say it must be regular and painful to be active labor is proven every now and then to not be so. And for care providers to push a woman into active labor when her body is warming up but not quite ready may not be fair either. In fact so much of a woman's labor pattern has been misunderstood today because so many labors are not allowed to unfold naturally- they are so over managed by intervention that normal, natural labor is being lost.
Here is what others define "active labor" as:
Birthing Naturally says, "Eventually, the contractions that you have been experiencing will become stronger and more intense. You will also find that as time progresses the contractions are getting closer together and lasting longer. When this happens, you will have moved into active labor. You will find that as active labor progresses, you will become more serious or "focused" during your contractions. You may find yourself slowly moving from not talking during the peak of a contraction - to not talking during a contraction - to barely talking even between contractions. You may also find that your movements become slower and more deliberate as you progress through active labor. Eventually you may even be at the point that moving between contractions is uncomfortable and difficult to manage."
Baby Center says, "During active labor, your cervix begins to dilate more rapidly and contractions are longer, stronger, and closer together. People often refer to the last part of active labor as "transition."
Transition to Parenthood says, "What’s happening: Cervix is completely effaced, goes from 4-8 cm dilation. Contractions 3-5 minutes apart, lasting 40-70 seconds. Contractions become more painful. Duration: 30 minutes to 10 hours. The physician’s expectation for progress during this time is 1 cm dilation per hour; if you’re dilating at less than half that rate, a physician may prescribe Pitocin.
However, a recent study indicates that at non-augmented births, the average / normal amount of time between 4 cm and 10 cm is 7½ hours, and that abnormal progress shouldn’t be declared unless it has taken over 19½ hours for first-time moms (that’s less than 1 cm for every three hours). Abnormal progress shouldn’t be declared until 13½ hours for a woman who has given birth before. (Albers) If mom is doing fine, and baby is doing fine, then parents can ask the caregiver whether Pitocin is essential or whether it is possible to let labor proceed at its own pace.
Mom’s Mood. One of the biggest indicators that active labor has begun is a big change in mom’s mood: she becomes much more serious. During a contraction, the contraction takes all of her energy and concentration: she can’t walk and talk during a contraction. She doesn’t like distractions in between contractions; just wants to focus on labor. This can be a good time to go to the hospital."
Women Heath Care Topics shares, "Active labor is characterized by three distinct phases:* Stage One - The cervix dilates and effaces, * Stage Two - The baby is born
* Stage Three - The placenta is delivered.
Giving Birth Naturally offers, "Active labor is when birthing becomes more serious. As you become more serious with each contraction, relaxation and breathing become very important. Tuning out distraction and creating a positive environment will be important. You may feel the desire to have your birth companion present but may not want to be touched or bothered at this point. WHAT & HOW YOU MAY FEEL:
* Contractions that are Closer Together and Require Your Attention
* Need for Physical Support
* Need for Emotional Support
* Less Interest in Eating/Drinking
* Desire for Quiet so You can Focus
BEHAVIOR & ATTITUDE:
* Turning Inward
* More Focused
* Averse to Distractions
* Restlessness
OTHER SIGNS & SYMPTOMS:
* Bloody Show
* Diarrhea
* Rupture of Membranes
* Increased Pressure
* Lightening
* Nausea"
So you can see it can be confusing. It is not the same for every woman. It is not easily defined. I share what someone once told me- "You know she is in active labor by her demeanor. The meaner she gets the more active she is in labor!"
I tell my students three things will happen: The contractions get longer- lasting more than a full minute. The contractions get closer together- not all over the place but a regular pattern that is closer together. If you plan to get medication then 511 is a good time to go- five minutes apart, lasting one minute for at least one hour. If you are looking for a less interventive birth experience, then 411 is a better time to go. But all three things need to be in play USUALLY. If you are talking through contractions, laughing and walking around easily and they are 3 minutes apart, you may not be in active labor. If they are 6 minutes apart but lasting 90 seconds and are kicking your butt, you could be. See? This is confusing at best!
So guess what? You need to be the judge! If you think it is time to call your care provider to come to the house for your home birth, or go to the hospital for your birth- then go. You do not have to stay! The studies show if you go to the hospital and you are 3cm or less and your water is intact, you should go home. Otherwise you are at a 50% increase of having a surgical birth- why? Because you are probably not in active labor and the care provider will push your labor to get you there- by breaking your water or adding Pitocin to the situation to help "move you along." And if your body or baby is not ready- well then you may end up with a cesarean.
If you are wondering, "Is this the real deal?" it probably is not. Most moms will tell you, you will know when it is the real deal.
Monday, March 15, 2010
CIMS posting of Cesarean Guidelines
NEW from CIMS! “The Risks of Cesarean Section” and “A Checklist for Expectant Mothers”
CIMS’ newest fact sheet was released on Feb. 26 at the 2010 CIMS Forum
CIMS proudly announces the availability of a recently updated fact sheet “The Risks of Cesarean Section,” (PDF) which also includes “About the Risks of Cesarean Section: A Checklist for Expectant Mothers to Read During Pregnancy.”
Birth is a normal, natural, process and the vast majority of women can have safe, normal, vaginal births. While there are health conditions where a cesarean birth is necessary for the well-being of the mother or her baby, more and more mothers these days are giving birth by cesarean section for non-medical reasons. CIMS along with 20 endorsing organizations recommend that cesarean surgery be reserved for situations when potential benefits clearly outweigh potential harms. This educational material is provided by CIMS to help healthcare providers and expectant parents learn about the risks of cesarean section.
Take Action:
* Download the new Cesarean Section Fact Sheet & Mother’s Checklist (PDF)
* Purchase CDs of recorded sessions from the 2010 CIMS Forum through our A/V partner Network Communications
* Download slide presentations of select 2010 CIMS Forum sessions
CIMS’ newest fact sheet was released on Feb. 26 at the 2010 CIMS Forum
CIMS proudly announces the availability of a recently updated fact sheet “The Risks of Cesarean Section,” (PDF) which also includes “About the Risks of Cesarean Section: A Checklist for Expectant Mothers to Read During Pregnancy.”
Birth is a normal, natural, process and the vast majority of women can have safe, normal, vaginal births. While there are health conditions where a cesarean birth is necessary for the well-being of the mother or her baby, more and more mothers these days are giving birth by cesarean section for non-medical reasons. CIMS along with 20 endorsing organizations recommend that cesarean surgery be reserved for situations when potential benefits clearly outweigh potential harms. This educational material is provided by CIMS to help healthcare providers and expectant parents learn about the risks of cesarean section.
Take Action:
* Download the new Cesarean Section Fact Sheet & Mother’s Checklist (PDF)
* Purchase CDs of recorded sessions from the 2010 CIMS Forum through our A/V partner Network Communications
* Download slide presentations of select 2010 CIMS Forum sessions
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Atlanta Parent Magazine Editorial
In the March 2010 Atlanta Parent Magazine there was an article entitled "Mom to Mom: The Practical Side of Breastfeeding" by Kimberly Kennedy. I have no idea who she is and what her credentials are as the article does not say. But I was sooooo disappointed in the article. I thought I would share my dislike with you- I have already left the editorial staff a message on their voice mail.
The first paragraph was about how hard can it be. The suggestion is that they need to start by consulting a lactation consultant. And although I like using a lactation consultant if there is a problem- it is not the first course of action that is recommended. The studies actually show that the first thing- the most beneficial thing to preventing nipple trauma is taking a good lactation class prenatally. The writer does suggest consulting La Leche League- but there is no mention of attending a class or going to a LLL meeting prior to having the baby. Both of these things would make a huge difference- you know- prevention is worth a pound of cure!
The writer goes on to say wearing a sexy bra with a nursing pad after pumping first is ideal if you are going to have sex due to having a let down when having sex. I thought - what? Pump before having sex... there goes anything spontaneous- or one more thing to deter someone from having sex. Why not say, "You may have a let down if you are lucky enough to have an orgasm during sex... and I certainly hope you are. So, keep a small towel handy to press against your breasts when this happens." Now isn't that easier than putting the pressure on the mom to wear a sexy bra and pump beforehand? Come on we are talking what breasts were really made for here- nursing!
Then for the new mom who is already a bit neurotic about having enough milk- she puts in this comment, " babies have suffered brain damage, even death, from insufficient milk supply. Fortunately, this is rarely a problem." Rarely a problem- but now you have given that mom one more thing to worry about and perhaps even deter her from breastfeeding. Come on- if it is so rare- and it is- then why not give practicals about counting wet and poopy diapers- and encourage the mom that more nursing brings in more milk- so warn her about not scheduling a baby in the first few weeks!
And then she pops in one more negative piece, "Breast reduction surgery can affect supply." Why not then refer her to Defining Your Own Success, a great book regarding how to assist a mom with this issue. And why not say this is usually only a problem if the nipple was removed and then reattached. Again, yes this happens- but let's help this mom not offer a reason to not try.
Then this part about made me scream, "How long will the baby eat? She says they drink for 5-10 minutes for the first few weeks and then will work up to 10-20 minutes each side when well established. But if the baby drinks for 30-40 minutes there could be a problem." Hello??? This is not true at all. Every baby is different- every baby has different sucking needs. And it is not about drinking milk alone- it is about sucking needs as well. So giving rigid guidelines like this is a recipe for disaster for many moms.
Then the question is posed how often will he eat? And she says at first, "every 3 to 4 hours." She goes on to say that "demand feeding" many moms find "impractical and instead schedule feedings." She goes on to say if the baby is acting hungry after 1 1/2 to 2 hours and isn't sated with a pacifier or other distractions, feed him" And I had to scream out loud for a minute! Who is this article for? For the mom who does not want to breastfeed but does in a very token way to say she tried? Is breastfeeding all about her? I am sorry- I am a baby advocate here. Demand feeding is best- the studies show it is best for a mom's milk supply to be well established and for the baby's needs. Period. Scheduling in the first few months is a recipe for low milk supply, gassy babies who are full of gas due to pacifiers and crying, and nipple trauma from nipple confusion due to the pacifier. And everyone knows that most babies in the first few weeks if not a bit longer- nurse ever 2 to 2 1/2 hours from the start of a nursing to the start of the next nursing.
Then the next section of the article is subtitled; Meeting Your Needs. I thought the first section sounded like that- after all it did not sound like it was in the best interest of the baby at all! She then goes on to say how you have to plan when you are breastfeeding- for appointments and such. Hmmm- why? Because she also discusses later where to nurse- she suggests your car! Well why not explain the law regarding breastfeeding publicly. Why not discuss how you can learn to breastfeed publicly in a way that is comfortable for you. That may be the car. But that may be in the chair in the waiting room at the doctor's office. Why do we need to try to plan our nursing times in such a way to not have to nurse when we are out. The feeling that breastfeeding moms are banished to the bathrooms or cars makes me get out my soap box for sure!
Then she says, "after baby is a few months old and is able to sleep six hours at a time, you may choose to wean him from nighttime feedings." Well what is a few months old? And six hours? Come on! I thought the accepted term "sleeping through the night" was five hours. And the studies again show that usually occurs at 15 pounds and/or 3 months of age. She again suggests offering a pacifier. Augh!
And then the big push to offer a bottle begins. Does she realize that often times a mom can actually have a nursing dyad with her baby without a bottle or pacifier coming into play? She suggests starting too soon may cause nipple confusion- thank you! And then suggests waiting til 6 weeks could cause bottle rejection- "a nightmare for any mom who'd like an occasional break!" She then suggests "offering a bottle within the first month, after breastfeeding is well established. Keep her accustomed to bottles by offering them once every day or two." Well let me say- I wonder how long she was successful nursing her baby. This is the recipe for early weaning- in fact it is weaning a baby from the breasts. There is that not so subtle way of also implying that a mom needs a break from her baby and must bottle feed in order to do so. There are many moms who enjoy their breaks with their babies. And many who can find time to slip away for a few hours to grab dessert with their friends or hubby and not leave a bottle. And most moms are still establishing their milk supplies in the first month!
The pump advise is ludicrous. If you miss a feeding you do not need to necessarily pump to keep yourself from getting a plugged duct. You can massage your breasts and express a bit off while away from your baby- and nurse well when you are back with your baby.
The what do you need section sounds like you need a basket of stuff in two locations in your home... hmmm not true. You may not need any of these things she suggests- they may be helpful. But again to nurse you need a baby and a breast... not much else. It is really quite simple- in fact minimal things are even helpful to be honest- we make it sound like you have to have a bunch of stuff to make this work. I do not believe history or third world countries with nursing moms will agree with you!
The advice regarding what to wear is ludicrous as well. "Loose fitting tunics... bunched up around the breasts..." Hmm how about a camisole and a shirt that buttons down the front- unbuttoned from the bottom. You pull up the camisole or light weight tank and unbutton the shirt from the bottom- thus keeping your breast fairly concealed and nursing easily?
And I already addressed her "where do I nurse in public?" comments. But let me say- wherever YOU are comfortable. I have nursed while walking down the mall- wearing a baby in the sling- so discretely that my husband was not even aware I was doing so! I have nursed on benches, sitting on the floor, in booths at restaurants, on the curb at a street fair, in the stands at a fire works display on the fourth of July, in my car, on the swings at the playground, in church on the pew... you get my drift... but I have never nursed in the bathroom... or in a special nursing area in all my years of nursing three children.
So, Parent magazine... please tell me who this chick who wrote this is- what her background is- what made her an authority on breastfeeding? She certainly is not indicative of the places she refers to for web breastfeeding help. I am glad she at least put those resources in the article. Perhaps folks will forgo her advice and head there to get correct information.
The first paragraph was about how hard can it be. The suggestion is that they need to start by consulting a lactation consultant. And although I like using a lactation consultant if there is a problem- it is not the first course of action that is recommended. The studies actually show that the first thing- the most beneficial thing to preventing nipple trauma is taking a good lactation class prenatally. The writer does suggest consulting La Leche League- but there is no mention of attending a class or going to a LLL meeting prior to having the baby. Both of these things would make a huge difference- you know- prevention is worth a pound of cure!
The writer goes on to say wearing a sexy bra with a nursing pad after pumping first is ideal if you are going to have sex due to having a let down when having sex. I thought - what? Pump before having sex... there goes anything spontaneous- or one more thing to deter someone from having sex. Why not say, "You may have a let down if you are lucky enough to have an orgasm during sex... and I certainly hope you are. So, keep a small towel handy to press against your breasts when this happens." Now isn't that easier than putting the pressure on the mom to wear a sexy bra and pump beforehand? Come on we are talking what breasts were really made for here- nursing!
Then for the new mom who is already a bit neurotic about having enough milk- she puts in this comment, " babies have suffered brain damage, even death, from insufficient milk supply. Fortunately, this is rarely a problem." Rarely a problem- but now you have given that mom one more thing to worry about and perhaps even deter her from breastfeeding. Come on- if it is so rare- and it is- then why not give practicals about counting wet and poopy diapers- and encourage the mom that more nursing brings in more milk- so warn her about not scheduling a baby in the first few weeks!
And then she pops in one more negative piece, "Breast reduction surgery can affect supply." Why not then refer her to Defining Your Own Success, a great book regarding how to assist a mom with this issue. And why not say this is usually only a problem if the nipple was removed and then reattached. Again, yes this happens- but let's help this mom not offer a reason to not try.
Then this part about made me scream, "How long will the baby eat? She says they drink for 5-10 minutes for the first few weeks and then will work up to 10-20 minutes each side when well established. But if the baby drinks for 30-40 minutes there could be a problem." Hello??? This is not true at all. Every baby is different- every baby has different sucking needs. And it is not about drinking milk alone- it is about sucking needs as well. So giving rigid guidelines like this is a recipe for disaster for many moms.
Then the question is posed how often will he eat? And she says at first, "every 3 to 4 hours." She goes on to say that "demand feeding" many moms find "impractical and instead schedule feedings." She goes on to say if the baby is acting hungry after 1 1/2 to 2 hours and isn't sated with a pacifier or other distractions, feed him" And I had to scream out loud for a minute! Who is this article for? For the mom who does not want to breastfeed but does in a very token way to say she tried? Is breastfeeding all about her? I am sorry- I am a baby advocate here. Demand feeding is best- the studies show it is best for a mom's milk supply to be well established and for the baby's needs. Period. Scheduling in the first few months is a recipe for low milk supply, gassy babies who are full of gas due to pacifiers and crying, and nipple trauma from nipple confusion due to the pacifier. And everyone knows that most babies in the first few weeks if not a bit longer- nurse ever 2 to 2 1/2 hours from the start of a nursing to the start of the next nursing.
Then the next section of the article is subtitled; Meeting Your Needs. I thought the first section sounded like that- after all it did not sound like it was in the best interest of the baby at all! She then goes on to say how you have to plan when you are breastfeeding- for appointments and such. Hmmm- why? Because she also discusses later where to nurse- she suggests your car! Well why not explain the law regarding breastfeeding publicly. Why not discuss how you can learn to breastfeed publicly in a way that is comfortable for you. That may be the car. But that may be in the chair in the waiting room at the doctor's office. Why do we need to try to plan our nursing times in such a way to not have to nurse when we are out. The feeling that breastfeeding moms are banished to the bathrooms or cars makes me get out my soap box for sure!
Then she says, "after baby is a few months old and is able to sleep six hours at a time, you may choose to wean him from nighttime feedings." Well what is a few months old? And six hours? Come on! I thought the accepted term "sleeping through the night" was five hours. And the studies again show that usually occurs at 15 pounds and/or 3 months of age. She again suggests offering a pacifier. Augh!
And then the big push to offer a bottle begins. Does she realize that often times a mom can actually have a nursing dyad with her baby without a bottle or pacifier coming into play? She suggests starting too soon may cause nipple confusion- thank you! And then suggests waiting til 6 weeks could cause bottle rejection- "a nightmare for any mom who'd like an occasional break!" She then suggests "offering a bottle within the first month, after breastfeeding is well established. Keep her accustomed to bottles by offering them once every day or two." Well let me say- I wonder how long she was successful nursing her baby. This is the recipe for early weaning- in fact it is weaning a baby from the breasts. There is that not so subtle way of also implying that a mom needs a break from her baby and must bottle feed in order to do so. There are many moms who enjoy their breaks with their babies. And many who can find time to slip away for a few hours to grab dessert with their friends or hubby and not leave a bottle. And most moms are still establishing their milk supplies in the first month!
The pump advise is ludicrous. If you miss a feeding you do not need to necessarily pump to keep yourself from getting a plugged duct. You can massage your breasts and express a bit off while away from your baby- and nurse well when you are back with your baby.
The what do you need section sounds like you need a basket of stuff in two locations in your home... hmmm not true. You may not need any of these things she suggests- they may be helpful. But again to nurse you need a baby and a breast... not much else. It is really quite simple- in fact minimal things are even helpful to be honest- we make it sound like you have to have a bunch of stuff to make this work. I do not believe history or third world countries with nursing moms will agree with you!
The advice regarding what to wear is ludicrous as well. "Loose fitting tunics... bunched up around the breasts..." Hmm how about a camisole and a shirt that buttons down the front- unbuttoned from the bottom. You pull up the camisole or light weight tank and unbutton the shirt from the bottom- thus keeping your breast fairly concealed and nursing easily?
And I already addressed her "where do I nurse in public?" comments. But let me say- wherever YOU are comfortable. I have nursed while walking down the mall- wearing a baby in the sling- so discretely that my husband was not even aware I was doing so! I have nursed on benches, sitting on the floor, in booths at restaurants, on the curb at a street fair, in the stands at a fire works display on the fourth of July, in my car, on the swings at the playground, in church on the pew... you get my drift... but I have never nursed in the bathroom... or in a special nursing area in all my years of nursing three children.
So, Parent magazine... please tell me who this chick who wrote this is- what her background is- what made her an authority on breastfeeding? She certainly is not indicative of the places she refers to for web breastfeeding help. I am glad she at least put those resources in the article. Perhaps folks will forgo her advice and head there to get correct information.
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