Today I met with a repeat client for her prenatal meeting- she is due in a few weeks. We were talking about how three years ago I suggested she consider a different hospital than the one she was planning on birthing at. I don't always recommend a change- but this mom was describing the birth she desired and I knew that the hospital she was choosing would be hard pressed to give her what she desired.
I am often known to say going to some hospitals and asking for a non interventive, naturally supported birth is like going to KFC Chicken and asking for sushi. Now you can occasionally find a store manager who if you go every day and ask for sushi- goes out and gets you sushi knowing that you are coming today to ask again. So, you can have a great birth most everywhere but it may be not the norm and therefore you may have to work harder to get what you want.
This young woman chose to stay at her hospital last time- even though one midwife in the group she did not like- and you guessed it- that is who attended her in labor. After a few hours with no increase in dilation, there were threats of a cesarean being needed and this mom chose to have some interventions she originally had not wanted... then the cascade began- but she ended up with a vaginal birth...her ultimate desire... and of course a beautiful, healthy baby.
This time she travels across town to the hospital I had recommended three years ago. She feels safe with any of the midwives. She knows this hospital embraces the kind of birth she desires. She feels safe. She nows sees that the allusion of having a hospital around the corner from where she lives, a practice of midwives or docs who were convenient to where she lived, and the thought that she could get what she wanted only if she let her desires be known, were illusions and assumptions.
I had a dad tell me when he heard me warn to not leave the baby in the nursery since they adamantly did not want a bottle to be given to the baby was erroneous. His wife had a normal birth only to have the baby need to go to the transition nursery due to rapid breathing after the birth. They did not allow the mom an opportunity to nurse. The dad went with the baby to the nursery and told the staff no bottles were to be given- the baby was to be breastfed only.
He then left to return to the mom. The mom after a short while wanted him to go to check on the baby. He went to the nursery window and searched for his son. He saw who he thought was his baby in a nurse's arms being given a bottle of formula. He picked up the phone and it rang several minutes before being told the nurse who answered the phone would check. She turned to finish what she had been doing. Then he knocked on the window since the baby he thought was his baby was continuing to be fed the bottle.
Finally someone came and explained that the baby's blood sugar was borderline- and they felt he needed a bottle. No one spoke to the parents- they did not regard the instructions of the dad earlier- they had dismissed that entirely. He told me later that he was appalled that the assumption that they had to follow his desires and that the illusion that they would honor his desires for his son were not valid.
I recently had a couple who took my class hear me discuss these things. But they felt armed with knowledge they could stay where they were birthing and their outcome would be different. Sadly they realize the illusion they were under. The mom told me recently she feels she is emotionally struggling to heal from the birth of their daughter. This is not the way it needs to be!
The mom I met with today is working hard to have the birth she wants this time. She has all of the puzzle pieces in place... her support team- her husband and myself will be there. Her medical team- the midwives with the lowest cesarean rate in the state will be there for her. Her hospital staff is used to natural births and is supportive of that. And she is feeling safe and supported. There are no illusions or assumptions being made.
3 comments:
These were some comments posted on facebook to my notes page that this feeds to:
Resa Bishop Mechling wrote
at 4:24pm
This wouldn't happen to be the hospital I delivered at would it? The hospital wasn't great but I did love my midwives that I used. Frankly that was the only good thing. I remember being in tears during the middle of the night with my second after the lactation consultant showed up at 2AM to talk to me and had no knowledge or consideration for my special circumstances. I was ready to be checked out immediately. I didn't allow the lactation woman in for my third. And I recall that after all my births when I was taken to the recovery room the nurse would roll me over to look at my back and then say, "no epidural? We don't see that a lot here."
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Alexis Horlbeck Sullivan wrote
at 4:55pm
Yes, that is me that Teresa is talking about from today :) I knew the type of birth I wanted with my 1st but I listened so much to what friends, family and doctors told me about giving birth than listening to myself - be close the hospital/doctor office, don’t be a martyr by going natural, have an epidural and the list goes on. I never gave birth before and everything was overwhelming with all the decisions. I think I relied on everyone else’s feedback because they had experience and I didn’t. Also isn’t the medical professional the one that knows everything and knows best? I picked a practice that was close by and a hospital close by. I wanted convenience but at what price? I did not have a bad labor with my first but there were things that were not quite right.
As I am just days away from having my 2nd baby I listened to myself this time and what my doula told me the first time around :). We all live and learn, but through that experience I can change things. I can’t plan how the labor is going to be but I can control who will be my support - my husband, my midwife and hospital. So I have been driving 30-40 minutes out of my way for appointments and waiting in the waiting room for 1 1/2 to see the best mid wives at this practice. I have complained but in the end will all of it be worth it? Yes, it will - I have no doubt in my mind because I am taking control of the things I can and surrendering to the natural way my body is supposed to give birth.
My first child was born by C-section due to a breech presentation. With my second pregnancy, I wanted to VBAC. At 35 weeks I finally LISTENED to what Teresa had been telling me, and switched to a practise where my desires were a possibility. At first I was afraid of change, but I realized, it had to happen if my birth was going to be vaginally. I had my 9 lb 9 oz baby girl via VBAC! It was an experience of a life time! I am so blessed to know such a wonderful woman with so much knowledge! Thank you, Teresa!
Don't you wish that your providers would be honest with you rather than give you lip service to what you want? It would be so refreshing to get straight talk from the start so you could access what you really need to do- rather than get bamboozled in the end with what was the original plan from the beginning.
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