It is frustrating to me that folks spend more effort and time planning and preparing for their wedding day than they do for the birth of their child. Yet the birth of their child will effect a woman for the rest of her life...much more so than the flowers she chooses for the ceremony. I get it that it is expected that they will plan their wedding- but I think we need to change the perspective on preparing for their births. Many folks will not take a class since their friends said that the class they took was worthless. But then if you ask more, it was a one day, slam bam class where they hardly had time to formulate their questions before the class was over. I am not sure that is a good measure of a class that prepares you for your birth.
I get calls from folks who have not scheduled in the time to take a childbirth series- they want one private class or maybe two... because they do not have time to attend a full preparation course. Now granted that is better than nothing, but it is not ideal.
Or they hire a doula to fill in the gap of not attending a class. To me that is like I will add more eggs to the recipe since I do not have flour. It does not work- you need to take classes and not rely on the doula to teach you while you are in labor! It takes time to take what you learn and practice it, to formulate what works for you and what does not. The prenatal(s) you have with your doula are not meant to be childbirth classes. They are an opportunity to communicate the ideas you have formulated from your classes and possibly explore a few more. It is a time to review what you find has worked from the exercises you have already learned and to share those with your doula so she knows what your ideal birth would entail.
Or I get calls from women who have breastfeeding issues once the baby is born, but failed to attend any La Leche League meetings or attend a breastfeeding preparation class. Some women had no idea that they had inverted nipples and that there was preparation during their pregnancy that would have helped with this situation. And the time to learn about how to properly latch a baby is not after a bad latch has caused damage. Or the time to realize one bottle of formula really can disrupt a new nursing relationship is not after the bottle has been given and the baby's stomach has been stretched past the walnut size it was on day four.
Please consider preparing ahead of time for something you want to have work so badly. Why do we just think that everything will go as we desire when we fail to plan to prepare? I remember my coach saying, "Fail to plan...play to fail." I truly feel this is true about birth and breastfeeding. Reading the right books are essential. Watching videos to help prepare you may help. Sitting in an active classroom with others who are also in the same situation will help a ton! Take a class- go to a FREE La Leche League meeting to see women actually breastfeeding babies. It can only help!
6 comments:
I bet very few women out there have heard of lactation support.
And I can see someone who's read up on pregnancy forgoing the CBE and just going with a doula. Doing both is expensive.
I find the judgement of someone not doing birth research unhelpful. A lot of people don't know their options, and their healthcare provider might not mention them. It's the norm in this society to plan for a wedding, and not so much the norm for births.
While I wish all mothers were well-educated in pregnancy, childbirth, and child-raising, I think it's better to not judge, and just find ways to help a particular mother/couple with her/their unique needs.
Jenn I hear you- but now a days you can read a book but most of them will then go on to tell you the classes you may want to consider taking... and I find it hard to believe very few women have heard of lactation support... La Leche League has been around since the late 1950's and is FREE to attend. Most women will not have ever really seen a woman breastfeeding her baby- but she seems to think she will just know how? Sorry- no judgment here- just sadness that we are not talking about the preparation a woman needs to consider- and encouraging it- and causing the expectation for it to be done. If you can not take a call on breastfeeding- why not attend a LLL meeting for free? Most every pregnancy magazine you pick up talks about breastfeeding education.
I think it is unrealistic to expect a doula to be the only means of childbirth education. Where is the practice of the labor techniques that you need to have not only knowledge of but familiarity? It is like a person putting on the olympic uniform and showing up to run in the race without having practiced. Does that make sense?
Sorry if it sounded judgemental- I was feeling frustrated for the moms who "fail" at their plans for the lack of preplanning.
And the truth is so many moms are reading books like What to Expect When You are Expecting and then becoming quite compliant patients instead of informed consumers for their birth experience.
I think the women I hear from have the internet- have access to tons of information and are not unfamiliar with the classes and support offered- they are just not taking advantage of it... and it causes them a ton of pain in the end after the fact.
But thanks for your input Jennifer.
Forget the wedding. Too many folks put more effort into buying their car than they do preparing for the birth of their child (not speaking of buying the nursery or "things" they perceive the child will need, there is plenty of effort expended there from most folks...I am speaking only to the experience of entering the hospital, laboring, birthing and then breastfeeding said newborn.)
I am not sure what the sentence "I find the judgment of someone not doing birth research unhelpful." means, exactly. I'd love a clarification if Jennifer wouldn't mind...trying to understand your comment.
Further...I would disagree that both hiring a doula and taking a solid CBE course is expensive. Having a child is expensive. Preparing for the birth of that new person is part of the expense. How that birth unfolds impacts both that new person and that new person's mother for the rest of their lives.
Expense is relative, IMO.
Yea Tracey I am not sure what that comment meant either. I guess I am not a researcher per se- but having been a doula for 400 births, having been a LLL leader for a decade and a childbirth and lactation educator for over 15 years does not mean I have officially done research but certainly I have done my part in experience collection.
I think we can liken it to investment returns. Women have not been taught in this society the benefits of planning for labor and birth. Money management gurus will beat you over the head with the perils of buying without research, impulse buying, and trusting the salesman's pitch. Yet women are not taught to take part in the management of their bodies. Instead it is the norm to follow the OB/hospital practices without question. No other medical field is it considered a problem to get a second or even third opinion.
As for not being able to afford it, I agree with Tracey. That is entirely relative. I have seen families spend thousands of dollars on accessories- Items that a baby could care less about. i.e. cribs, clothes, shoes (shoes for a newborn?!?!?) and room decorations. Yet, it's too expensive to spend time and money on increasing your chances of having a normal birth. Again maybe it comes down to investment return. You can see the result of buying a Winnie the Pooh baby decor, but who knows what could happen during a labor. Perhaps women in general rather roll the dice and hope for the best.
There is no other time in an otherwise educated woman's life that she will spread her legs and let someone do whatever to her body for the sake of the other person's convenience...save for the birth of her child.
As a student of women's studies (who has conducted research, albeit unpublished to date, in addition to serving over 8 years as an LLL Leader, attending 6 dozen births and serving as a lactation counselor and educator for over 10 years), it baffles me.
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