Why Don't We Allow Ourselves To Dream Big?

Often times when I ask a mom what would make her birth ideal, she hesitates to answer me. I just read a prenatal form that is so like many others. She wrote, "I'm almost hesitant to answer this question and may gracefully back out of doing so at the risk of being disappointed if my "ideals" don't happen. " I can tell you that is almost verbatim what I hear often. I do hear things like short labor, no tearing, attentive nurses, etc... but most of the time there is hesitancy to answer what ideal would be to them. And they always follow up with the remark about being disappointed.



Now I have to agree that there are so many variable and unknowns in labor that it is hard to plan your labor exactly the way you desire it to be. But we all have an ideal labor in our minds. If you don't want to jinx it by stating it, that is one way of viewing it. If you don't want to create a standard by which must happen or you will feel like a failure, I get that too. But I believe we can not achieve that which we do not dream.

Dream big- dream realistic- but dream big! The same way we dream about other things- for instance, think about the things you dreamed about... the man or woman you married. Yea they may not have met everything on your check list- but by golly I hope they met most of them and exceeded in other areas you had no idea would be important! Your wedding... the things that were really important- your flowers or your dress or the location- did you dream about those? You may have had to have less flowers or a discounted dress- but I am sure your dreams were still met even with some compromise. We would never go into a relationship or a special day with the idea of being afraid of being disappointed by allowing ourselves to set our goals high.


I believe you must dream things to have them become reality! Dream big! Dream about what is an ideal birth. Who is there? What are you doing or not doing? Yea you can not change the gender of the child within you. You may not be able to control if you tear completely- but there are things you can do to avoid tearing. You may not be able to truly control the length or intensity of your labor- but the preparation you put into your pain coping and body mechanics and mind body connection can definitely have an effect on your labor.


So dream- allow yourself to imagine the perfect labor and birth. Start to visualize yourself in that labor and birth. Share what your dream is with others. Be prepared to make changes along the way if they are needed. But dream... I think it really does matter that you can see yourself achieving it beforehand. If you make good decisions along the way, you need not feel like you failed. You may be disappointed at times, but failure does not have to enter into the outcome at all.