Paul said in 1 Corinithians 9:22b, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some."
As doulas we become what a woman, what a couple needs us to be for them in labor. When you meet a doula at a party, she may be in her party mode - not her birth support mode. When you meet her at a function where she is facilitating a meeting or a class, she is in teacher or facilitator mode, not labor guide mode. Just as you do not plan to have your party mode on during your labor, realize you will be different than you "normally" are during that time as well.
Sometimes women will say, I will need someone strong in my labor - that is you. Or they may say, I need someone to mother me in labor- that is you. Or I want someone who is gentle and quiet in my labor- will that be you? I think it is imperative to say that we become what you need us to be in that moment in labor. You really have no idea what you may need. We have no idea what you may need either. But our job is to rise to the occasion and be what you need.
Sometimes your partner will determine what they need in labor as far as labor support. Perhaps they want to be very hands on and want to make sure that the labor support does not take on their role. Perhaps they want to be very hands off and do not want to feel forced into a role they are not comfortable with. This just needs to be communicated prior to labor. But realize this role may need to be changed in labor or you may desire to switch gears without prior knowledge as well.
So, let your doula know what you may desire. Also think about the setting you met her in... realize that is not her all the time- that is one facet of her personality. Just as you are multifaceted, so are we. We truly try to become all things to all women as to support their needs in labor.
2 comments:
VERY WELL SAID! What we are doing when you meet us should not be the only deciding factor. I hope women will pick their doulas with their hearts and not just their heads. Set up another meeting. Ask questions. But to be fair, we doulas need to be doing the choosing as well. Our goal is to be all things to all women, but that is not always possible. Sometimes personalities just don't match. That is okay. Every woman deserves a doula. It just may not be me.
You Teresa this is so true. By nature I am a very energetic person. I am aware of that. It could be off-putting to some. I always explained to my potential clients that I am passionate about what I do but during birth I curtail my energy to meet that of the atmosphere of the room and the mother at the time. My own daughter once said - dang mom, you were so quiet and still I knew emotionally you were there for me but your personality was completely different. And yes Persis, we as doulas also need to decide if we are a good fit for this person - so very important in this work! I still remember vividly the first time *I* decided this person would not benefit from my services. It was awakening to say the least.
Crystal
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