My Compliments to Dr Robbins

I was delighted to work with Dr. Richard Robbins at my last birth. He knew this mom wanted a natural, lesser intervened birth. Her water broke and she waited several hours to go to the hospital. I arrived a few hours after she was there, not yet in labor. The Pitocin was started and I was there to meet her soon after.  Dr. Robbins arrived a short while later and entered the room with the greeting of, "Hey Stud!" to the mom. I loved it. He chatted about how his wife had a natural birth with their first two but the third was a much longer labor and after several hours she chose the epidural. He mentioned that this baby was a bigger baby by a pound. This caused my client to ask if a pound made a huge difference. She asked this since the sonographer had said this baby was at least a pound bigger than her first one. Dr. Robbins said, "Nope! Should not be a problem at all!" He stayed a short while and when he left he said as he shook his hands in the air, "Let's keep these out and let you do what you are doing so well!" I wanted to kiss the man! He was so encouraging to my client!

Technology in New Ways

I remember years ago when I still carried a pager, listening to the occasional  cell phone ring in a restaurant and thinking, "why does someone need to be accessible all the time?" I thought it was rude and annoying. I even made a comment about how special that person must be to need to take a call during dinner! My how silly that all sounds now!

Our Christmas Wishes To You!

This digital greeting card generated with Smilebox

Conferences and Classes- How Do You Learn?

In this information age every thing is becoming easier to do things virtually, I wanted to make Massaman Curry Chicken. I searched for recipes on line and even found a you tube of someone cooking and giving instructions. This was great! It would have been better if I could have gone to a quick cooking class- but even better if I could have gone to a Thai cooking class that was six weeks long, I could have learned how to make many more dishes that I am sure to love!

Can 6 Days Really Make A Difference?

I have a client who had an initial early ultrasound and based on that test and her last menstrual period, giving her a due date of the 26th. When she had a second ultrasound a couple of months later, the technician said that the baby was measuring a week older due to length. So, the next person she saw in her care providers' office changed her due date- decreasing it by 6 days! 


I discussed with her how important those six days may really be. In her practice they consider their patients late at 41 weeks and I knew she was shaving almost a week off of missing an induction! So, are six days really a big deal?

A New Video by DONA on Doulas!

DONA has created a new video regarding doulas. If you are curious about the role of a doula and a bit about her scope of practice if she is DONA certified, this video will help to enlighten you! Enjoy!

Doula Video

Overcoming Obstacles... Actually Obliterating Them!

We have a client who was trapped by her insurance to not be able to seek the midwifery supported model of care and the water birth she had found was possible. She was working to try to make it happen when she went into labor two and a half weeks early. Then not only was she not getting the birth experience she had hoped for she ran into several other obstacles. But this story is not a bad one- indeed it is one about overcoming!

Another Dot to Dot

One of my doulas recently had this birth experience. Ironically with the same group of midwives as mine but at a different hospital. Let's read about the dots she made sure she followed.

Dot to Dot... Don't Skip One

 

Recently after a birth, I was very sad and very happy at the same time. I had a client who did everything right. She prepared for her birth by taking great classes with Pam. She read the right books and considered all of her options for her birth. Her partner was fully supportive as well as her mother who was in attendance. Although she chose a practice based on her insurance limitations, she chose the midwives within those limitations. She stayed healthy and emotionally balanced during the pregnancy. She labored at home through the night and into the morning with irregular contractions. She went by the midwives office for a labor check before heading to the hospital. She stayed active and upright during most of her labor. She never complained about pain or wanting to quit. And she still ended up with a cesarean birth. What happened?

Preparation Meets Expectations For This Mom!

Praveena shared with her fellow childbirth students this email that she so also graciously shared with our blog! Great births don't usually just happen- they take preparation and selection. Praveena prepared by centering her mind, exercising her body, opening her spirit and mind in her childbirth class and selecting a great supportive team. Guina Bixler was her doula- she chose the Ladies of the Labyrinth and Guina was the lucky doula on call during her labor. Andrea Perry, one of our apprentice doulas accompanied Guina. Margaret Strickhouser was her midwife- Intown Midwifery. And she birthed at Atlanta Medical Center.

Things that helped during pregnancy:

Taken 5 days before birth

Evidence Based Medicine Re: Your Membranes Releasing Prior to Labor Beginning

What does this mean?  The internet offers these definitions:

Definitions of Evidence-based medicine on the Web:

• Evidence-based medicine (EBM) aims to apply the best available evidence gained from the scientific method to medical decision making. It seeks to assess the quality of evidence of the risks and benefits of treatments (including lack of treatment).
  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine
• Heath care whose policies and practices are derived from the systematic, scientific study of the effectiveness of various treatments
  en.wiktionary.org/wiki/evidence-based_medicine
• The practice of medicine or the use of healthcare interventions guided by or based on supportive scientific evidence. Also, the avoidance of those interventions shown by scientific evidence to be less efficacious or harmful.
  www.qaproject.org/methods/resglossary.html
• The practice of medicine with treatment recommendations that have their origin in objective tests of efficacy published in the scientific literature rather than anecdotal observations.
  www.grg.org/resources/glossary.html
• An approach to practicing medicine that involves consideration of results of clinical trials that are relevant to the disease or condition being treated when making decisions about how to treat patients.
  www.ecri.org/patients/references/Pages/Clinical_Trials_Patient_Reference_Guide_Glossary.aspx
• is the conscientious, explicit and judicious use of current best evidence in making decisions about the care of individual patients. ...
  www.hse.ie/eng/about/Who/Population_Health/Health_Intelligence/Health_Intelligence_Work/Evidence_Based_Health_Care/Glossary_of_Terms/
• For many in the medical field, evidence-based medicine includes only those treatments that have been shown to be effective through a narrow lens, especially double-blind studies. ...
  www.hyperbariccenter.org/glossary.html
• Evidence-based medicine (EBM) is the integration of best research evidence with clinical expertise to aid in the diagnosis and management of patients.
  www.azdoqit.com/LS4/Glossary%20of%20EHR%20Terms.doc

Experience

Today I was adding the numbers of births each labor doula in our group has done over the years. These were births where they offered labor support. And within our group I was totally amazed to figure out that we have more than 1000 births of experience. Experience is not the only reason to hire a doula. There are a lot of factors to consider: how you feel when you are around her, how vulnerable you feel you can be with her,  how your partner feels about her, and many more factors that are as individual as you are. But with our group you hire a doula or a team of doulas (Ladies of the Labyrinth), but you get the whole gamete of experience. Because when a doula is at a birth, she knows she can call any of the more experienced doulas in our group for insight and guidance in a situation with which she may not be familiar. I can guarantee you that there is no more experienced doula group in Atlanta than our group. I hope you will consider us when you are selecting someone to be guiding and supporting you in your labor!

Where Do You Get Your Breastfeeding Advice From?

I wrote a review of this study a year ago: Pediatricians Are Not A Good Resource for Breastfeeding Advice and Support and shows how most pediatricians do more to sabotage than to support the breastfeeding relationship between mothers and their babies. Today I want to share another resource you may find helpful.

Today I got an email from a new mother who had gotten poor advice from a pediatrician in regards to breastfeeding. This pediatrician is actually one that I find to be very supportive in many ways of the breastfeeding dyad. But this piece of advice was purely her own personal view not one that is supported by evidenced based medicine. I just wish moms would ask a pediatrician the hard questions regarding the advice they offer. Is this medical advice? Is this your personal parenting advice? Is this evidence based? Just as I encourage you to go to the Coalition for Improvement of Maternity Services  to find out if your OB/GYN practice is really a supportive one for your care during pregnancy, I encourage you to visit the NBCI to read about how to insure your pediatrician is supportive of breastfeeding. Dr. Jack Newman is a foremost authority on breastfeeding worldwide! There are more resources out there that do a great job regarding breastfeeding information- LLLI being one of them. But be careful when getting advice that does not feel quite right to you- do your research and ask more questions!

A New Mom Shares

Mothers and Mothers-to be,

We are blessed with a beautiful baby girl on early hours of Sunday. 

First, thanks to Teresa for all the wisdom about motherhood that she has passed on to us. I had a natural birth and I believe it happened only because of Teresa and her wonderful team. 

Girls, please make a note of this. If you want a natural birth and want to enjoy your birth experience, have a DOULA with you. She is your mother when you are going through labor and can guide you through the process especially when you are overwhelmed with pain and anxiety and are clueless of what is going to happen.

The Holistic Stages of Labor

This is a wonderful article that helps a woman and her care providers understand her labor better than the medical model of the stages of labor. I think if you can embrace this information, you will find yourself learning how to listen well to your body and as a provider learn to watch a woman and understand what she needs.

The Holistic Stages of Labor

 Written by Whapio Diane Bartlett

Embarkation

(Pre-labor and Latent Labor)

Labor is a Journey. The preparation has often been elaborate, conscious and consuming. There is usually an all-important ritual of Arrangement preceding the actual event. We call it nesting and Mother has moved about in a final flurry of activity, taking care of all last details…clothes are washed, food fills the freezer, house is ship-shape…all is in order.

Nesting is part of Embarkation. Mother senses that labor is soon. Perhaps contractions and the loss of a bit of the cervical mucus has offered a hint that the journey is about to commence.

Steady, Steady, Hold, HOLD!

Sunday at church Steve Gooch was preaching. He was talking about "re-uping" to the initial pledge we made to God. He shared a scene from Braveheart after Mel Gibson had completed his freedom speech and how he led the charge to battle.

It is quite timely as I had just completed the last class of my childbirth series and in it we do an exercise called "Warrior." I always mention Braveheart and the battle preparations. It is not so much so that women will be ready to battle the medical community- but instead to battle the voices within them that try to seed the great doubt that they will often face in labor. This great doubt is definitely watered by the nay sayers- our friends, our family and often our medical support system. But we also carry the seed within us. The fear of the unknown and the fear of us not "performing" the way we hope or the birth unfolding in a way that is out of our control is always within us.

Jaundice and the Newborn

Folks come to me all the time talking about their baby being separated from them to go under bilirubin lights. Occasionally someone insists on bringing their baby home and they use light therapy there or even use the bilirubin blanket. I wanted to share what is actually the issue with bilirubin levels in an infant and some protocol that has been shared with me. I just feel you need to know the facts- know the Pediatric Guidelines and know what you can do to help your baby and your breastfeeding relationship not be interrupted. 

A Trio of Praise

This is a letter I got from a woman who hired Pam Roe to be her labor doula, took Pam's classes and Teresa's breastfeeding classes and hired Jennifer Fargar as her postpartum doula. Pam was sick and Guina Bixler filled in as her doula. This is the letter she sent regarding our services:

Info on hiring us!

“I am interested in hiring a labor doula. What do you need to know and what do I need to do next?”

Amanda Shares Her Birth Story

I’d like to preface this story with a note about contractions.  My body is extremely sensitive.  I feel Mittleschmerz when I ovulate, and I start feeling Braxton-Hicks contractions starting around 16 weeks into pregnancy.  I get lots of those practice contractions as I get further along, culminating in about 6 an hour starting around 34 weeks up until I deliver.  I get so used to them, I don’t notice them much.  So when I describe contractions in this story they are the real thing.  The pain starting in my back and lower pelvis and them circled around me, with a definite peak of intensity.

Dancing for Birth Classes

I just took my training to become a Dancing for Birth instructor. Not only is this a great prenatal class but it also a great postpartum class. It starts off with a circle time of affirmations for birth and mothering. It is far more than just an exercise class for your body. It also embraces the mind so that the mind body connection is embraced fully. We teach some belly dancing, some African and some Latin moves that help to open our hips for labor and jiggle the baby down into that nice open space! We teach about optimal fetal positioning within the class as well. I love the fun aspect of this class as we don't judge bodies or specific choreography but instead we embrace moving! ?New moms share with the pregnant moms. And babies are worn during the class so they get to enjoy it as much as they did when they were in utero.  I am excited about how this is a great teaching time but also a fun time! I am looking forward to scheduling my first class!

Thankful Parents Share Their Gratitude

This is the emails they said I could share:

Team Approach or Solo Doula

Recently I had a mom concerned about the lack of consistency in doulas if she chose the team approach we are now offering- this was my reply:

Wednesday morning I received a call from a mom who was two four days later or two days earlier from her due date depending on which due date you accepted from her two her doctor vs her ultrasound had given her. I went to her at 10am in the morning on Wednesday. I returned home on Thursday at 6:30am and crawled in bed. An hour later a mom who was a week early with her second called me to alert me something was up with her. She said she would call me after her 9:00am doctor appointment. The next call came at 9:30am that she was being told to head to the hospital. I got up after 3 hours of sleep and showered and headed back out. Thank goodness her labor was a brief one. She gave birth within two hours of arrival to the hospital- I got there only minutes after she did. And I was back in bed by 3pm. I happen to be on call for another mom whose due date is today. I am well rested now and ready to be with her whenever she calls.

2nd time Mom shares her thoughts about Teresa

Recently I received an email from a recent client who had a wonderful natural birth at Northside. She used a midwifery group there. This was her second baby. She birthed very quickly- having only been in labor for 3 hours when she gave birth. She was only at the hospital for less than an hour when she birthed. Sometimes folks think a fast labor would be ideal. But a fast labor is sometimes a bit traumatic because you hardly have time to wrap your mind around being in labor! I arrived only a few minutes behind her arrival. She was unsure she could do it without medication. She had had medication for her first birth and really wanted to have a natural birth this time. She got what she desired although she questioned whether she wanted it near the end when those around her knew she was going to be birthing again soon!

Home Birth Couple Loved Their Classes!

I had a couple recently who gave birth to their first child at home. They came to me for private classes due to so many scheduling conflicts with joining our regular series (we do have home birth students in our regular classes often.). This is the letter from them that they sent the day after the birth! (I did edit some personal information out of the email to protect their privacy.)- Teresa

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!!  As you already know, baby boy was born on Monday.  Same birthday as daddy, YES, Matthew and Baby have the same birthday! :)  Baby is doing very well.  Quick update.  I had a 5.5 hour labor (labor started about 6:15am Monday morning, he was born 11:48am) .  Went very well, smooth and healthy for mommy and baby.  Baby weighed in at 8 lb.12oz. and was 21 and 1/8" long.    VERY healthy, with a great APGAR score and a good healthy newborn exam checkup.  Nothing could have gone more smoothly, and Matthew and I thank you SO MUCH for you labor classes and all you taught me, AND for the breastfeeding info. which I read through thoroughly all last week and it has helped so much.  Baby is sucking great already! and no soreness for me.  THANK YOU!!!  Another checkup to come for mommy and baby at home in 48 hours.  Can't wait for you to see the little guy when we come to pick up the body cast. {I did a bellycast for them as well.} I am sure it looks beautiful as you say!  :)  A has very good coloring and he is so VERY handsome!   Looks just like Matthew. ;)

Thank you again so much for your love and support Teresa.  You have been a God-send and a blessing in our lives!

Much love in Christ,
Jamie and Matt"

When I asked if I could share their story, she told me, "Yes, and as Matthew said when I asked him too. "you never hear the good stories, only the horror stories.....""

"thanks again....Charlotte said he and I should teach coaching classes one on one to other first time home birth couples. :)  You taught us well!  "

Intown Midwifery's One Year Anniversary!

A Mom Births Again, Shares Her Recommendation of Teresa

"I’ve been trying to find a minute to write to thank you, really thank you. I think that one of the most challenging parts of this birth (maybe THE most challenging part) was preparing for it mentally and spiritually.  The labor of love orientation was the second doula group we visited looking for a doula.  On our first visit to the group[....], David and I both left discouraged.  None of the doulas felt deep enough or truly connected enough to what we knew that birth could be.  Then we came to you guys.  I liked a number of your doulas, but it wasn’t until you spoke that I was sure.  You talked about women being warriors, even lions, I think.  What you said made me cry, and I turned to David and said, “that’s her.”

A recommendation letter from a nurse!

I have had the privilege to work with a wonderful nurse at AMC- Atlanta Medical Center. Although I have edited out parts that have information not relative to this recommendation, I have been given permission to share a bit of her letter with you here. Often folks ask how nurses feel about working with doulas. I think this letter tells the story of how some like working along side of us!

Vaccine Friendly Docs in Your Area

Did you know you could go to Dr Sear's website and there is a link to information about vaccines- schedules that may be more baby friendly and also a link to a page of pediatricians who will respect alternative schedules? Click Vaccine_Friendly_Doctors to find a care provider in your area!

Conscious Breathing

Holistic NYC Doula has a wonderful blog! We teach breath awareness in our childbirth classes. I think this video clip is a good one for understanding how breath enters into a relaxed preparation for birth.

conscious breathing-quick-easy-intro-to-yogic-breathing

Please consider that the he hes and he hahs of yesteryear breathing techniques work for some since it is the repetitive nature of the breathing or the "doing something" that kept your mind occupied. But this type of breathing is actually effective in calming down in most any situation.

We always think it is funny that partners stand over a woman and yell "breathe" to her. She is breathing! But he or she is trying to remind the mom to be aware of her breath. Staying on top of your breath- keeping your breath awareness so that you can keep air moving up and down- to your baby- to your body- to keep your muscles and organs full of power, is essential to staying calm and staying energized in labor.

Take time to watch this video. It may help you understand conscious breathing so that you can use this tool in your labor- and in your life!

Doulamatch.net

There is a wonderful format for you to read about each of us on this site:

http://www.doulamatch.net

• Teresa Howard's profile is found at http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/172/teresa-howard
• Patti Shultz's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/2254/patti-schultz
• Jennifer Fargar's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/145/jennifer-fargar
• Alicia Pillsbury's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/1506/alicia-pillsbury
• Amy Schmidts' is here- although she is on a family leave http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/1514/amy-schmidt
• Renee Wymer's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/2258/renee-wymer
• Guina Bixler's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/2255/guina-bixler
• Pam Roe's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/1186/pam-roe 
• Persis Bristol's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/2260/persis-bristol
• Gail Dupont's is here http://www.doulamatch.net/profile/2268/gail-dupont

Look for our new additions as those doulas get theirs added as well!

Empty Cup

 "One of my favorite stories concerns a Buddhist scholar and a Zen Master. The scholar had an extensive background in Buddhist Studies and was an expert on the Nirvana Sutra. He came to study with the master and after making the customary bows, asked her to teach him Zen. Then, he began to talk about his extensive doctrinal background and rambled on and on about the many sutras he had studied.


The master listened patiently and then began to make tea. When it was ready, she poured the tea into the scholar's cup until it began to overflow and run all over the floor. The scholar saw what was happening and shouted, "Stop, stop! The cup is full; you can't get anymore in."

The master stopped pouring and said: "You are like this cup; you are full of ideas about Buddha's Way. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can't put anything in. Before I can teach you, you'll have to empty your cup."

This story is and old one, but it continues to be played out in our lives day-by-day. We are so enamored of our own ideas and opinions and so trapped by our conditioning that we fill ourselves up to the brim and nothing can get in." http://www.prairiewindzen.org/emptying_your_cup.html

When I did my first training with Pam England, she tells this story. She relates it to us as childbirth educators and even doulas. We must not come to teach a class or go to a birth with our own agendas. There can not be one way to birth- or to think about something and it only be my way.

Yesterday I was present for a wonderful birth. It was a client who had used me for her previous two births. The first birth ended in a cesarean after her labor stalled for hours after entering the hospital in an active pattern and being 5 to 6cm dilated. The baby did not tolerate labor well and pitocin was added to the mix and when it came time to push the baby did not tolerate that at all. Her second labor was induced 9 days early and she had even had a doctor who did an external version for a breech presentation a few weeks earlier. She was induced with the hope that this baby would be a bit smaller and since she was very favorable for the induction, it meant only breaking her water and giving her a very little bit of pitocin. Eight hours later, unmedicated for any pain- she gave birth to a second baby.

She had been walking around 3 centimeters for a week or more and the decision was made to induce this third baby a day before her due date. Again, breaking the water and then a few hours later she had a very small amount- 2 miliunits- for only an hour and a half- and after less than 3 hours after it was started and four and a half hours after her water was broken, she gave birth to her third baby- unmedicated for any pain relief.

These are happy births. She does wonderfully handling the contractions. She complains only about the shaking that accompanies her transitions. She is a fabulous warrior in labor and birth!

I do not like inductions. I love for moms to go into labor on their own time clock. I do not like to have them interfered with at all. But .... the difference is this mom lived 3 hours from me. She had tried to find a doula in her area, but was unsuccessful in doing so. She had asked me to please doula for her again. Before she had only lived an hour away.

As much as I repeat the words, "this is not my birth!," I have to say I was a bit relieved when she told me she was being induced. I knew that the odds of me making it for the birth were much greater in her doing so. But, I have to share this- I never once told her that. I never once said, "don't be induced" or "do be induced." It was not my birth.

I figured if she went into labor and labored quickly and I missed it, as sad as I would be, I was not meant to be there. I also was concerned if I led her to be induced and something did not go well, I would feel responsible. It had to be her decision. I must have told her every time we chatted over the weeks leading up to her induction, "I fully support any decisions you make." Sure I would help her think about the pluses and minuses of each situation and what the ramifications could be... but I tried my best to have an empty cup.

I think as a doula this is easier to do than when I am teaching a class. I think when I have students, they are wanting my opinion often times due to my experience in the field. But I still try to temper my comments with, "This is my personal opinion." and let them know what is evidence based and what is anecdotal information.

I find I have to remind myself often that I must enter the realm of someones journey with an empty cup. It is their path, not mine to walk. It is their history, knowledge, intuition, experiences, baggage or whatever that guides them as well as information I may implore.

This mom made a decision and I supported her fully. And it worked out beautifully. I was there a little more than 4 hours prior to the birth. The induction went as beautiful as it could have gone. She was delighted with her birth and my support.

Just remind yourself if you are a doula or birth professional, an empty cup is so needed when you are a birth guide. If you are a student, don't come with so many preconceived ideas that you are not open to any new ones that may indeed be exactly what you need.

Cudos for Our Company from a New Dad!

Teresa, I can't say anything but great things about your organization. You and your doulas/instructors are more than just vendors of a service but become integral parts of their clients lives as it relates to their birth experiences and beyond. When my wife needed reassurance about breastfeeding you and Pam were there even at late hours. When my wife's labor and delivery was so quick Guina was there long after to help my wife through the pain of being separated from her baby and husband while the baby and I went to nicu and my wife got some stitches. Guina was there long after the time I was expecting her to go, helping with some lactation coaching and then when she did leave, she gave both me and my wife a kiss on the forehead. Then she came back the next day for a little bit to make sure we were ok. If this is some tricky marketing ploy, to get us to tout your company's services then you've got me hook, line and sinker. Although, I vehomently believe that you have surrounded yourself with truly compassionate people. People who are delighted to share in the lives of others and the payment that they receive is a fraction of the reward that they experience in doing what they are doing.


Thank you again for all the help that has been afforded to my wife, Jenna, and our new baby Camille.
 
Austin Mascarenas
6.11.2010

Recomendation from a past client x3

Resa, a mom who I have had the pleasure of being with at all three of her births, recently sent this comment to me after I encouraged her by telling her I loved her mothering style. She allows her children to be creative and self expressive. She is a homeschooling stay at home mom of three and quite the Wonder Woman!.

She shared this with me and told me I could share it with you!

"You're a woman and mom I aspire to be like. Ron and I often think back to some of the things we learned from you in our childbirth class and realize it has applications to our decisions as parents. Meeting you created a ripple in the life of the R5 much further than just their three splendid births. And this is a ripple I couldn't imagine being where I am today without."

I appreciate knowing that things I teach have a ripple effect! Thanks Resa!

The TATA Fairies

Many of you know that I am a breast cancer survivor. I have been breast cancer free- and without breasts per se for 2.5 years now! I had immediate reconstruction after a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy due to being a carrier of the BRCA gene- but the pathology found cancer that had been undetected in mammograms and even a breast MRI. So this year is the 3rd year I will walk in the 3Day 60 mile Susan G Komen walk for breast cancer.

Labor of Love sponsors a team- the Labor of Love Tata Fairies. Other doulas in our group have walked in the past- Pam Roe on our team and Alicia Pillsbury on the Tutus for Tatas team. This year I will be accompanied by three young moms. Lindsay Tucker, Lisa Strickland and Rebecca Mariollis. They have all been our students and doula clients.

I admire their desire to be a part of this journey with me. It is strenuous training and a rigorous 3 days of walking. It also entails not only a registration fee of $80 or more, but then each walker must raise $2300. It is not a team total- but each individual must raise this amount in order to walk. If you do not raise it- you either do not walk or you give them your credit card for the balance and they will accept payments to erase the credit card for a month or so following the walk. Ouch! This may be the hardest part for these moms.

I have already raised my money for this year... I have some wonderful generous friends, family and clients who helped me be able to do so. We will be holding some fund raising events over this summer and early fall. But I wondered if you had a heart for helping and the ability to do so- if you would consider going to our team page and choosing a young mother in my group to donate to- it would really be incredible. Even a little donation goes a long way. And if you like, you can click on their page- make a donation online- it is secure- and even choose to make a larger donation over a 3 month period of time. Sometimes little bits are less painful and you don't even notice that $20 or whatever amount being gone!

You can also print out a form and mail it in... just choose one of my team members and go for it! Also, if you think you would love to join our team- please let me know! We would love to have a larger team! Click on the link below to help!

http://www.the3day.org/goto/tatafairies

Wondering if things are actually "normal"

You know I think outside the box... I am creative and have ideas that are constantly swirling around in my head. This is one reason I love blogging- typing in those swirling ideas... and this week this has been swirling...

We hear when a mom in labor "stalls" at 6cm for hours that her labor is "stalled." That something must be wrong. That someone needs to intervene. That perhaps she is having some type of "dystocia." But why is that not a normal labor for her. If we are individuals- and we each have individuals growing inside of us- and our bodies are each unique...then why must this particular woman have a labor that can be "charted" and determined to be off the "normal" curve?

My oldest daughter takes a nap before she begins to push her babies out. Every labor has been this way- 3x. She rests before she begins the process of pushing her baby out. No one told her to do that. No one was afraid that her labor had "stalled".  We accept this as "Julie's way."

I had a mom recently "stall" at 6cm and she said she was tired and wanted to take a nap. I suggested that she listen to her body. She went on to have a cesarean birth, but only after several hours proved that this baby was not moving down and out of her body. But had it?

I think of that indigenous woman in the woods... does anyone know how long she has been 6cm? Does she become exhausted and rests before she births? Does anyone discuss the need for fluids? Pitocin? An epidural? Of a cesarean birth?

What is normal? It certainly would be an insult to me if someone labeled me such! But we are treated as if we need to be "fixed" if our labors are not such. But who decided what "normal" was? I think there are two questions one must ask before intervention is used... "Is my baby okay? Am I okay?" And the answer can not be "for now, but who knows in an hour," because they did not know an hour ago how you were going to be right now either.

We do need to look at the environment- the support- the preparation.Sure if she does not feel safe, supported or is full of fear it can cause her labor to "stall." But eventually she has to surrender. It may take days. She may be exhausted. She may need to become exhausted in order to surrender. That may be her "normal."

I am going to quit using words like "stalled" labor or "abnormal" labor. I am going to trust birth. I am going to trust womens' bodies.I am going to try to instill confidence and courage in women more each day.

I love being a bit off the grid- a unique woman. I love that my youngest daughter told me last month that I seem to be constantly reinventing myself. That is a compliment. Who wants to stay the same- stagnant? I want to not be normal. And I will support unique women with unique labors and only see them as their labors...

Birthing Normally

I recently moved my office around and took out some bookcases. I rearranged my personal library by topic. One case has only birth books... one is special situations- breech, twins, etc... one is medical dictionary and baby books and the final one is breastfeeding books.

So today I was looking over the books that it has been a while since I read them. I pulled "birthing normally" by gayle peterson off the shelf. Thought I would just open it to a chapter and begin to read it... found exactly what I needed to share with you today!

page 38 in the second edition- Psychophysiological Integration

This big word means the "integration of mind and body." 

"Unhappy, dissatisfied mind states are reflected in body posture and movement. Our feelings can be read in our movements, as we physically relate to the world in context of our perception of ourselves in relation to others. the importance of getting familiar with our bodies and of making such information accessible to ourselves is reflected in the body experience of birthing. The more a woman can cooperate with her body to push her baby out, the smoother the journey through the vagina becomes. Being aware of tension, being able to relax and to let go of tension in a particular part of the body, becomes the process of yielding and working actively with the physical labor of  birth."

I often tell my clients that I do not "allow" them to perch. Of course I allow them to do whatever they want to do- but if they are wanting to let a baby go- out of their body- then by "perching" pressing their arms and hands stiffly into the chair or bed, holding their body tight and up and away from allowing their bodies and bottoms to relax, then it is obvious the two don't work together. Thus by encouraging a mom to not perch, I help her to let her body release and let go. Thus this cooperation with the body eases her body out much better and easier. I like the words Gayle uses here- yielding and actively working. I often use the word surrender to help a mom yield. And I like that a mom is actively participating in her labor. Thus she is not delivered, but is allowing her body to birth.

"As women become aware of their bodies, they can begin to recognize anxiety and fear as it is translated into body tension. In this manner, women can be educated to the mind-body link and the relationship of live style and mental state to physical health."

Gayle teaches that active participation in relaxation exercises help a woman to be actively able to relax when in labor. Often times couples will learn techniques but then do not practice them once home. Active relaxation works best when it is practiced. It is like Pavlov's dog - the bell means food- so the dog begins to salivate when he hears the bell. When one practices active relaxation, it allows the body to learn the correct response to this stimuli.

"Fear, and especially unrecognized life stress, can constrict the life breathing passageways, as well as the birth-giving passageways of the body. Visualizing the labor process with positive suggestion for ability to birth can be instrumental in inspiring a change of attitude in particular women."

Often times couples do not address the fears they have about labor, birth or even parenting. If this fear is not addressed, it not only does not go away but it can arise expectantly in labor and cause labor problems. She goes on to suggest that using guided imagery in recordings can change our perception of pain and prepare us for labor as well as our partner. Guided imagery taps into our mostly unused part of our brain that is hungry to be fed. The creative right brain can guide us in our labors in the way that our analytical left brain can not! A woman allowed to go to "laborland" with her endorphins as her vehicle can use the resources of her right brain- the guided images that are laying wait to help her.

"We have found mind-body integration to be a most powerful means of effecting change on the physical level."

"Adequate preparation should leave a couple calm and strong on the gateway to the unknown. They have seen and examined their inner reflection in this pregnancy- their fears, desires and expectations. They have strengthened their inner resources for dealing with stress and the unknown in life. Labor is an unknown. A woman does not know what her labor will be like. Classes doe not prepare her for what her labor will be for her. So she is entering the unknown and knows it. She is prepared only to meet the unknown in herself and is confident in her ability to look to herself for resources needed during her labor. This has been her preparation- that only she can give birth and that she must look to herself for strength, stamina, and active participation in birthing her baby. If she has learned this, she has learned much more."

I wonder if the classes most students take begin to prepare them for this unknown. If the classes do not challenge you to search within to find the strength our bodies have- then is this proper preparation? This kind of preparation of the unknown is not just labor and birth preparation but parenting preparation and marriage preparation and life preparation!

So look to your childbirth preparation not as a means to teach you how to time contractions or know the static stages of labor- which they are far from being- but instead teach you to become confident in your ability to handle the unknown and make good decisions that are right for you along that journey.

Chandra Shares Her Birth Story

Brielle Cain Davis’ Birth Story

I first started feeling contractions on Wednesday morning, April 14, 2010 at approximately 3:30 a.m. I decided to get up and do some work until I had to get dressed and ready at about 9:00 a.m. I had a midwife appointment and a sonogram scheduled later that day. I went through the rest of the day not feeling any more contractions.

At around 8 p.m. I went into Brielle’s room to do some last minute finishing touches and I felt a little bit of water leaking out. I thought to myself that my water may have broken, but there was no gush like you hear about on TV/movies. So I realized I had a few last emails I wanted to send to my bosses, so I got on the computer and worked until about 9 p.m. The contractions started to get stronger and more regular. I admitted that I was actually in labor and thought that I better get focused on giving birth to Brielle. I went upstairs and asked George to start timing the contractions while I rolled around on my exercise ball. The contractions were about 8 minutes a part. I watched Glee and some other show we had on DVR. George went to sleep for about 45 minutes! Lucky him! When he woke up the contractions were about 6 minutes apart and getting stronger. I asked for my wine, which tasted pretty good, but it seemed to slow down the contractions, so I only drank about 3 good sips. In order to manage the pain, we danced, changed positions, and I sounded.

Mother Baby Friendly Initiative

I had published this in my blog last year. But after a mom came to the Meet the Doula Tea this past week and shared that she had had a list of questions to ask her doctor when she was first pregnant, but once she asked them she did not know what the answers really meant. I have heard it said that question 2 about episiotomies is one of the most- if not the most- revealing question to ask. If they routinely find it "necessary" to cut a first time mom, they are more than likely very interventive. I had a client get this answered by one doctor as he only did it when "necessary." When asked further when he found it necessary, he said, if it looks like she is going to tear. Ouch! She decided he was too interventive for her and she found a new care provider.

I think when the care provider determines you are "late" is also a revealing question. In the ACOG pamphlet  it states,  "The day your baby is due is called the “estimated date of delivery,” or EDD. Although only about 1 in 20 women give birth on their exact due date, your EDD is useful for a number of reasons. It is used as a guide for checking your baby’s growth and your pregnancy’s progress. The EDD gives a rough idea of when your baby will be born. Most women go into labor within about 2 weeks before or after their due date. "  There are several things a physician can do to help determine the well being of a baby who is still in utero after 40 weeks. But if they say things like, "nothing good can come after 40 weeks." and "your baby is only getting bigger and your placenta is only getting older." both things I personally have heard care providers say, then perhaps they need to rethink their association with the ACOG stance. You have a due month for a reason- babies come sometime between that 38th and 42nd week because most often the due date is merely a guess!

So here is the repost!

In Sheri Menelli's bookJOURNEY INTO MOTHERHOOD she addressses the CIMS initiative of questions you should ask your care provider and expounds a bit about them:

HAV I N G  A  B A B Y ?  TEN QU E S T I O N S TO A S K: 
How to have your baby? The choice is yours!
First, you should learn as much as you can about all your choices. There are many different ways of caring for a mother and her baby during labor and birth. Birthing care that is better and healthier for mothers and
babies is called “mother-friendly.” Some birth places or settings are more mother-friendly than others.
A group of experts in birthing care came up with this list of 10 things to look for and ask about. Medical research supports all of these things. These are also the best ways to be mother-friendly. When you are deciding where to have your baby, you’ll probably be choosing from different places such as:
• birth center,
• hospital, or
• home birth service.

Here’s what you should expect, and ask for, in your birth experience. Be sure to find out how the people you talk with handle these ten issues about caring for you and your baby. You may want to ask the questions below to help you learn more.

1. “Who can be with me during labor and birth?”
Mother-friendly birth centers, hospitals and home birth services will let a birthing mother decide whom she wants to have with her during the birth. This includes fathers, partners, children, other family members or friends. They will also let a birthing mother have with her a person who has special training in helping women cope with labor and birth. This person is called a doula or labor support person. She never leaves the birthing mother alone. She encourages her, comforts her and helps her understand what’s happening to her. They will have midwives as part of their staff so that a birthing mother can have a midwife with her if she wants to.

2. “What happens during a normal labor and birth in your setting?”
If they give mother-friendly care, they will tell you how they handle every part of the birthing process. For example, how often do they give the mother a drug to speed up the birth? Or do they let labor and birth usually happen on its own timing? They will also tell you how often they do certain procedures. For example, they will have a record of the percentage of C-sections (Cesarean births) they do every year. If the number
is too high, you’ll want to consider having your baby in another place or with another doctor or midwife.
Here are some numbers we recommend you ask about.
• They should not use oxytocin (a drug) to start labor for more than 1 in 10 women (10%).
• They should not do an episiotomy (ee-pee-zee-AH-tummy) on more than 1 in 5 women (20%). They should be trying to bring that number down. (An episiotomy is a cut in the opening to the vagina to make it larger for birth. It is not necessary most of the time.)
• They should not do C-sections on more than 1 in 10 women, (10%) if it’s a community hospital. The rate should be 15% or less in hospitals which care for many high-risk mothers and babies. A C-section is a major operation in which a doctor cuts through the mother’s stomach into her womb and removes the baby through the opening. Mothers who have had a C-section can often have future babies normally. Look for a birth place in which 6 out of 10 women (60%) or more of the mothers who have had C-sections go on to have their other babies through the birth canal.

3. “How do you allow for differences in culture and beliefs?”
Mother-friendly birth centers, hospitals and home birth services are sensitive to the mother’s culture. They know that mothers and families have differing beliefs, values and customs. For example, you may have a custom that only women may be with you during labor and birth. Or perhaps your beliefs include a religious ritual to be done after birth. There are many other examples that may be very important to you. If the place and the people are mother-friendly, they will support you in doing what you want to do. Before labor starts
tell your doctor or midwife special things you want.

4. “Can I walk and move around during labor? What position do you suggest for birth?”
In mother-friendly settings, you can walk around and move about as you choose during labor. You can choose the positions that are most comfortable and work best for you during labor and birth. (There may be a medical reason for you to be in a certain position.) Mother-friendly settings almost never put a woman flat on her back with her legs up in stirrups for the birth.

5. “How do you make sure everything goes smoothly when my nurse, doctor, midwife, or agency need to work with each other?”
Ask, “Can my doctor or midwife come with me if I have to be moved to another place during labor? Can you help me find people or agencies in my community who can help me before and after the baby is born?”
Mother-friendly places and people will have a specific plan for keeping in touch with the other people who are caring for you. They will talk to others who give you birth care. They will help you find people or agencies in your community to help you. For example, they may put you in touch with someone who can help you with breastfeeding.

6. “What things do you normally do to a woman in labor?”
Experts say some methods of care during labor and birth are better and healthier for mothers and babies. Medical research shows us which methods of care are better and healthier. Mother-friendly settings only use methods that have been proven to be best by scientific evidence. Sometimes birth centers, hospitals and home birth services use methods that are not proven to be best for the mother or the baby. For example, research has shown it’s usually not helpful to break the bag of waters. Here is a list of things we recommend you ask about. They do not help and may hurt healthy mothers and babies. They are not proven to be best for the mother or baby and are not mother-friendly.
• They should not keep track of the baby’s heart rate all the time with a machine (called an electronic fetal monitor). Instead it is best to have your nurse or midwife listen to the baby’s heart from time to time.
• They should not break your bag of waters early in labor.
• They should not use an IV (a needle put into your vein to give you fluids).
• They should not tell you that you can’t eat or drink during labor.
• They should not shave you.
• They should not give you an enema.
A birth center, hospital or home birth service that does these things for most of the mothers is not mother-friendly. Remember, these should not be used without a special medical reason.

7. ”How do you help mothers stay as comfortable as they can be? Besides drugs, how do you help mothers relieve the pain of labor?”
The people who care for you should know how to help you cope with labor. They should know about ways of dealing with your pain that don’t use drugs. They should suggest such things as changing your position, relaxing in a warm bath, having a massage and using music. These are called comfort measures.Comfort measures help you handle your labor more easily and help you feel more in control. The people who care
for you will not try to persuade you to use a drug for pain unless you need it to take care of a special medical problem. All drugs affect the baby.

8. “What if my baby is born early or has special problems?”
Mother-friendly places and people will encourage mothers and families to touch, hold, breastfeed and care for their babies as much as they can. They will encourage this even if your baby is born early or has a medical problem at birth. (However, there may be a special medical reason you shouldn’t hold and care for your baby.)


9. ”Do you circumcise baby boys?”
Medical research does not show a need to circumcise baby boys. It is painful and risky. Mother-friendly birth places discourage circumcision unless it is for religious reasons.


10. “How do you help mothers who want to breastfeed?” The World Health Organization made this list of ways birth services support breastfeeding.
• They tell all pregnant mothers why and how to breastfeed.
• They help you start breastfeeding within 1 hour after your baby is born.
• They show you how to breastfeed. And they show you how to keep your milk coming in even if you have to be away from your baby for work or other reasons.
• Newborns should have only breast milk. (However, there may be a medical reason they cannot have it right away.)
• They encourage you and the baby to stay together all day and all night. This is called “rooming-in.”
• They encourage you to feed your baby whenever he or she wants to nurse, rather than at certain times.
• They should not give pacifiers (“dummies” or “soothers”) to breastfed babies.
• They encourage you to join a group of mothers who breastfeed. They tell you how to contact a group near you.
• They have a written policy on breastfeeding. All the employees know about and use the ideas in the policy.
• They teach employees the skills they need to carry out these steps.

Would you like to give this information (and more) to your doctor, midwife or nurse? This information was taken from The Mother-Friendly Childbirth Initiative written for health care providers. You can get a copy of the Initiative for your doctor, midwife, or nurse by mail, e-mail, or on the World Wide Web at www.motherfriendly.org.
©2000 by the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services

What is Prenatal Preparation?

I received a call yesterday from a good friend and someone who I adore. It was my acupuncturist Dr. Gurusahay Khalsa. He was sadly telling me that due to restrictions in his insurance he can no longer see a patient for the first time for acupuncture. Often times we send our clients there when they have a breech baby and need help turning this baby. He mentioned it would be better if they had already been seeing him along their journey. I totally agreed! And it got me thinking about prenatal care and preparation.

When someone becomes pregnant they seek out the care provider they will see for prenatal care. But really they needed to be seeing a good midwife or physician prior to becoming pregnant to make sure their health was good - taking folic acid prior to becoming pregnant- watching their diet, being clear of medications that could harm a developing fetus, etc. This is the pre- prenatal care that insures a safe and healthy pregnancy. But we all believe a good provider found early in pregnancy is essential. But what else is essential?

So, I thought I would share what I would consider a wonderful path to prenatal care and preparation.

• First I would seek the care of a midwife if I wanted a non interventive birth and was healthy. There are a handful of doctors who practice holistic care and they are wonderful alternatives to a great midwife. There are some midwives who practice like the most interventive physician as well- so all care providers are not created equal.If you would be considered high risk, a physician may be a good choice. But keep in mind what some consider to make you high risk may not be risky at all to others. for instance I have supported women as their doula who were in their early 40's and were being seen by a midwife.
• I would choose a care provider based on where they practice hospital wise if choosing to birth at a hospital versus home. There are a lot of hospitals in our area- and they offer different options. Don't expect that all hospitals are created equal in respect to what you are "allowed" to do for your birth experience. For instance in our area there are only two hospitals that offer water birth- AMC and North Fulton. You may not initially be interested in a water birth- but this could change as you learned more about it. At least it would then be an option to consider.
• I would take an early pregnancy class. If you do not know what kinds of questions to ask and what options you may want- then it makes it hard to have those options later if you did not ask or know what your choices could be. I would try to find a class that was offered by an independent person- not paid by the hospital itself.
• I would begin, if you had not already done so, to seek some alternative therapies that would keep your body in the best condition for the pregnancy. 
• I would seek a great massage therapist who was familiar with the pregnant body. 
• I would seek a good chiropractor who also knew the webster technique to help you stay in perfect alignment and know what to do if your baby did not! 
• I would seek the skills of an acupuncturist to keep my balance and help to harmonize my  life energy during this important time. 
• I would consider seeing a naturopath to help me understand the things I could do to help keep myself healthy and in case I became sick to understand safe alternatives to the allopathic medicine path. 
• I would try to start eating organic and move my diet into the healthier range if I was not already doing so. 
• I would seek out some great pregnancy exercise classes- prenatal yoga, prenatal dance, belly dancing, walking, swimming, etc.
• I would take childbirth and breastfeeding classes early enough in my pregnancy to be able to practice and absorb the ideas that can change the "garbage in garbage out" situation we often are in listening to others share their horror stories and give us erroneous information. The mind body connection is imperative for a fearless birth experience.
• I would seek the support of a doula. The studies are in- they do make a difference- big time! 
• I would read a few great books to help me prepare for the birth and even more books to help me prepare for parenting. 
• I would attend La Leche League meetings in my second trimester. 

In doing these things often we will find a core of new friendships that will help us in those early months as a new parent.

Ironically folks do not do most of the stuff in the previous paragraph. But folks believe that a fit pregnancy and healthy outcome just happen. As a doula I would attest that most of the time those who follow the true prenatal preparation path have better outcomes. So, just as you follow guidelines from your doctor or midwife to follow their guidelines for your diet and medication- consider that there is more to prenatal preparation than the selection of your care provider.

So, don't limit your thinking when it comes to what prenatal care and preparation really means. A healthier mom produces a healthier baby and has a more gentle outcome for herself and her baby.

Ladies of the Labyrinth

This May will be my 18th year of attending births. It has been a wondrous journey in my life. But one thing that has been difficult as a doula is the unpredictability of being on call. Often times events are postponed and travel is limited. But the other hard part of this is being well rested and ready for the next mom's needs. A doula does not need to go to bed at night hoping the phone will not ring in hopes of getting a full night of rest to be ready for the next call. I have to say, this has happened many times over the past 18 years.

In our group we have several doulas. Some of these doulas either due to other commitments or their family's needs have chosen to take on a dozen or less births a year. They often take the summer off when their children are out of school. This makes for a very relaxed schedule as a doula. There are others in our group who take several clients a month and add to their schedule a host of other responsibilities- not only personally but may also teach classes within our company's services. These are often times the doulas who are the most busy and most tired!

So, in an attempt to allow those doulas to stay busy doing what they love- teaching and supporting several women a month, and be able to give the best doula service to these moms, we have formed the Ladies of the Labyrinth within the company of Labor of Love. This approach will begin in October 2010. We hope it allows couples to determine which approach is right for them.

When you hire an individual doula within Labor of Love, having met their back up doula sisters at the Meet the Doula Tea, the odds are you will have her be your doula. But if there is sickness, an unexpected emergency or they are with another mother, you may have a different doula providing services. This happens less than 3% of the time. Coming to the tea gives you an opportunity to meet any possible back ups. The exception to this back up is how the Ladies of the Labyrinth will work.

We have taken the three most experienced doulas and teamed them together to form the Ladies of the Labyrinth which includes Teresa Howard, Guina Bixler and Pam Roe. These three doulas:
*are all childbirth educators within the company
*have all breastfed their children and have trained or certified in lactation education
*comprise the most experienced doulas within the Atlanta doula community
*are the older and mature “mothers” of our group with over 150 years of life experience
*have over 750 births among the three of them
*their families are in the next phase- the “empty nesters” and crones of our group

This new team approach allows:
*You to get to know all three of them prior to your labor beginning
*You interview the three of them together if you are unable to come to the tea to meet them
*They provide two prenatals- one with two of them and one with the other individual doula
*You have access to all three of them for your questions with their combined experience offering you ideas to consider via emails or phone contacts. They share an email of lol@alaboroflove.org.
*They share exclusive call with each other- You are assured one of the three of them for your labor (with the rare exception of having a midwifery apprentice/doula backing them up in very rare extreme situations.)

We are very excited to offer you two options within our doula services. We hope you find a great fit among our doulas and among the two approaches we now offer.

An Article About Teresa

Labor of Love Doula and Childbirth Services Alexandra Joy Laing, a UGA journalism student interviewed me a few months back. She also interviewed Laurie Nicole Hickman Olinger and Julie Howard Moon in the article.

She just sent the link to the article is on the page! Here it is for you to read online: Article on Teresa I am proud of the article!

Thanks to Laurie and Julie for their contribution and to Alexandra for her expertise!

Why Hire a Postpartum Doula?

Many years ago, I read a book called “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamott. The book was the result of a diary Anne had kept, chronicling her son’s first year of life. It was a totally honest look at having a baby – depicting every messy, joyful, anxiety producing moment of having a newborn. She was a single mom who had the support of a loving friend, but was mainly winging it on her own. Because let’s face it, as the title indicates, these little people do not come with manuals. Thinking back on that book, I realize that Anne could have really benefited from a postpartum doula.

Many times when I tell people that I’m a postpartum doula, they ask exactly what do I do. Well a postpartum doula is like a mom, sister and friend all wrapped up in one. She will make sure the new mom is taking care of herself: napping, drinking water, eating snacks and meals prepared for her. She will also help with nursing: getting a good latch, trying different nursing positions, increasing milk supply etc. We teach various soothing techniques for the baby, what Dr. Harvey Karp – “The Happiest Baby on the Block” author calls the 5 S’s (swaddling, swaying, sucking, shhshing, sling wearing). We do laundry, light housekeeping, and organizing the nursery. While a mom, sister, or friend might do all of the things I have mentioned above, they might also bring their own baggage along and I’m not talking about their suitcases. Friends and family mean well, however they may let their own experiences dictate what they think you should do and what they believe is best. A postpartum doula supports you; she doesn’t tell you what to do. The information she gives has no agenda and is strictly evidence based. So when do you start thinking about hiring a postpartum doula?

Just as you wouldn’t hire a labor doula when you are in labor, you don’t want to wait until you have the baby to consider postpartum help. Before the baby arrives, think about the kind of help that you might need and would be most beneficial to you. Think about whom best would provide that help. It may be a mother, aunt, sister or friend or you may want a postpartum doula. Planning ahead who will support you after your birth will go a long way in making the transition into parenthood much smoother.

By Patricia Schultz

All Things to All Women

Paul said in 1 Corinithians 9:22b, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some."

As doulas we become what a woman, what a couple needs us to be for them in labor. When you meet a doula at a party, she may be in her party mode - not her birth support mode. When you meet her at a function where she is facilitating a meeting or a class, she is in teacher or facilitator mode, not labor guide mode. Just as you do not plan to have your party mode on during your labor, realize you will be different than you "normally" are during that time as well.

Sometimes women will say, I will need someone strong in my labor - that is you. Or they may say, I need someone to mother me in labor- that is you. Or I want someone who is gentle and quiet in my labor- will that be you? I think it is imperative to say that we become what you need us to be in that moment in labor. You really have no idea what you may need. We have no idea what you may need either. But our job is to rise to the occasion and be what you need.

Sometimes your partner will determine what they need in labor as far as labor support. Perhaps they want to be very hands on and want to make sure that the labor support does not take on their role. Perhaps they want to be very hands off and do not want to feel forced into a role they are not comfortable with. This just needs to be communicated prior to labor. But realize this role may need to be changed in labor or you may desire to switch gears without prior knowledge as well.

So, let your doula know what you may desire. Also think about the setting you met her in... realize that is not her all the time- that is one facet of her personality. Just as you are multifaceted, so are we. We truly try to become all things to all women as to support their needs in labor.

Watch the Language Around You!

Imagine you are driving down a road- it is not clear where you are going. The weather outside is beginning to be unpredictable. You turn on the radio and the commentator keeps saying he does not think the road is open ahead. In fact he says multiple times you may be able to drive down the road but that does not mean you will be able to get through this huge roadblock ahead. You may have the gas to get there- you may have a car that works to get you there- but it does not mean you will be able to get through the roadblock.

A passenger in the car may encourage you that you can do it. But all you can see ahead is a red flashing light saying STOP! TURN AROUND!

I want to share with you the language used in two births I attended recently. One was a mom attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after a previous cesarean) and one was a first time mom having her labor augmented. I want you to consider the mind body connection and how this type of language can interfere with a mom's ability to believe in her body- her baby- and her birth.

The doctor came into the room and after suggesting that Pitocin was needed commented, "He can get anyone to dilate but that did not mean you could get the baby to be born vaginally."

Later he came in and said, "He was sure this baby was over 9.5 pounds and the baby’s head was molding a lot. But he was unsure if this baby really was going to fit." (the baby weighed 8# 14 oz)

He returned an hour later and said, "He hates pushing cause he knows the damage it can do. He has to do so much reconstructive surgery on women due to pushing out big babies."

After having to stay in the hospital all night since she was a VBAC, he made the comment, "That there was no financial viability in doing VBACs like this. It was not cost effective for him."

He later came in and shared how awful it was to have to bump a doctor out of the OR for his planned cesarean deliveries when a mom waited til just before 7am to have her cesarean called. He told her he would not impose that schedule change on another doctor as he hated it when it was done to him. He would be calling this before he had to do that.

He was certainly surprised when only an hour or so later when she pushed her daughter our vaginally into the hands of her supportive midwife. He even said, "You certainly surprised me!"

The next mom had a doctor who was very gentle and encouraging for the most part. He would come in and although she was not progressing he would offer that she could do nothing and keep going. But he would offer the caveat that she was an older mom- she was 34 years old. How our uterus was really meant to have babies in our 20's.

He then would return and say almost identical to the first doc, "I can get you fully dilated, but that does not mean this baby is going to fit out your vagina."

He would encourage her to keep doing what she was doing but would end each statement with, "I don't think this baby will fit."

He would also offer up that in Ireland they are doing active management of labor. "The active management of labor, first introduced by O'Driscoll et al in the 1960s at the National Maternity Hospital in Dublin, Ireland,5 is a group of interventions initially devised to ensure short labors in nulliparous (never having given birth before) women. In addition, active management of labor was noted to be associated with a lower cesarean section rate,6,7 which was thought to be due to a decrease in the number of cesarean deliveries performed for dystocia. Three randomized studies have been done to evaluate the efficacy of active management of labor.8,9,10 These studies have demonstrated significant decreases in the duration of labor and the incidence of infectious morbidity, as well as a trend toward lower cesarean section rates." What this really means is they gave moms huge amounts of Pitocin after breaking their water and pushed their labors into a short but frenzied labor. There was no discussion of how the Pitocin may effect the baby or mom. Nor was there any consideration for the type of birth experience this left the mom with. But he said it is catching momentum with doctors!

So after not progressing for several hours, this mom had her water broken and then active labor began. She did get fully dilated but after a little more than an hour with constant comments on how this baby, "was not going to fit." and a declaration that the baby had a capput- the swelling of the soft tissue on his head, a cesarean was strongly encouraged.

I am not sure if this doctor felt the same way as the first about having his surgery schedule messed with- since the call was made just before 6am and the scheduled cesareans begin at 7am. I am unsure if this doctor was just tired of waiting. I am unsure if this mom really could not fit this baby through her pelvis. (The baby was just under 8 pounds.) I am unsure we will ever know.

But what I do know is it is hard to keep driving forward when the red flashing lights are blaring at you. It is hard to keep moving ahead when those you feel are in authority are saying you can get there but you will never make it through the roadblock that they see.

The mind body connection is a strong one. But it is also so hard when you are feeling so vulnerable. When you are second guessing your ability, when the ones you believe can guide you best are not believing the dream you had planned, it is shaky ground. It is a highly emotionally charged time. You do not know the decisions that are right all the time- when you look back later you wonder... but you have to make the decisions that feel right in that instance. It is not black and white. There is no clarity. It is easy for those on the outside to second guess your choices. It is awful when someone says you made the wrong decision. They were not there! They did not feel what you felt!

And what about the baby? What about the mom's intuitive spirit? One mom hoped she would be able to birth her baby vaginally this time and she did. One mom had no idea she would be having a surgical birth. Some of her friends had opted to do so without labor. She had discussed this early in her labor with me. I thought it a curious conversation at the time. I wonder if her body was letting her know something. I wonder if she needed to know that laboring first before a planned cesarean had its benefits. When later she felt something just was not working, it makes me wonder if that came from her internal spirit or was it a seed this doctor had planted. We won't ever know for sure.

But when you are driving down a road- it is not always clear where you are going. The weather can be unpredictable. Those in authority may believe you will not be able to get through this huge roadblock ahead. You must believe what you have come to believe as truth. You must shut out the negative voices around you and give it your best try. Then you will either find out they did not speak the truth for you- you either do make it through the road block or indeed it is one that is insurmountable. But what you will know is this- you gave it your best. You did not quit due to non belief.

And with that I pray you will surround yourself with voices of affirmation. I pray you will surround yourself with support along the way so you can get the information you need to make your decisions. I hope you will face your roadblocks with courage.

Metamorphisis of a Mother

I recently talked to a new mom. She was having her baby blues moments and felt a bit lost. She said she felt she had lost herself - the woman she had been for three decades of her life was now gone- she was a mother. Her identity as her old self she felt was gone.

As she talked she also was mourning the time she once had with her husband as a couple... just the two of them. She felt she missed him so much. He had gone back to work and she was taking care of the baby on her own now during the day.

I remembered something I had read by Thich Nhat Hanh where he shared about a father who at one time felt he had to divide or compartmentalize his life into his time, his time with his wife, his time with each child. And somehow he never had enough of his time. How often do I hear parents say this? But this father went on to share with the monk that indeed he had more time now since he no longer separated himself out of the time he spent with others. He felt it was his time when he spent time with his son-- not his son's time. He felt it was his time when he spent time with his wife- not just her time.

I shared with this new mom the thought of metamorphosis. We can still see the caterpillar when we look closely at the butterfly. She is not gone at all- only changed. She is still present in the butterfly... only made more beautiful now.

If we look at motherhood as a loss of our maidenhood and our couple status now changed to one of family loosing the couple we have failed to see the beauty of metamorphosis in our lives. Change is not something to be afraid of- it is something to be embraced.

I am an "empty nester" now- but still a mother- and now morphed into a grandmother as well. My relationship with my husband has changed once more as our roll as parents have changed. It is one more passage on our journey of life.

I encouraged this mom to consider a water color picture... one where the colors blend one into the other. Instead of seeing our lives as static colors not merging into one another- when we blend the colors as they meet, it makes a beautiful flowing picture.

The emblem of the butterfly has always meant something really special to me. Our company logo is a metamorphosing warrior woman. Not a loss of the maiden- but the new birth as a mother. Nothing loss at all- only changed to be made more beautiful.

I wanted to share some quotes by Thich Nhat Hanh that I think convey this message as well.

“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”

So when I read this I think we can not dwell on what has been lost at all- we must move ahead in order to embrace life- but we need to be still and feel where we are right now- in the present to fully feel alive. As parents we are usually in such a hurry to get our children into the next stage of life that we don't fully appreciate where we are right now in their lives. We need to be still and present where we are- knowing it will not last forever- but will be changing quickly enough.

"Everyday we do things, we are things that have to do with peace. If we are aware of our life..., our way of looking at things, we will know how to make peace right in the moment, we are alive."

As new mothers we are also competitive.. "is your child sleeping through the night yet?" "does johnny have a tooth yet?" "is sally eating solids yet..." You get my drift? We need to be at peace with where we are and our children are- one day at a time. Peace comes with acceptance. Not being compliant about the things you hope for and want to change- but acceptance of where you are now so you can begin to live and make the changes you desire.

"We cannot enjoy life if we spend a lot of time worrying about what happened yesterday and what will happen tomorrow . We worry about tomorrow because we are afraid. If we are afraid all the time, we cannot appreciate that we are alive and can be happy now."

I love what the bible says, Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

As new parents we are full of worry. We worry about the kind of parents we will become. We worry about our children's future. We worry about their health and ours. We worry about our finances and providing for our children. But if you look back on your life- notice the things that brought you happiness and joy. Worry was not part of that. Living is what brought happiness.

“The beginning of wisdom is wonder, and the spark of wonder is kindled in the person who sees the world as new.”

As new parents if we embrace the newness with wonder instead of fear and anxiety, we will see some things about ourselves and our children that would have been missed otherwise. Looking back we notice how we managed to get through events that made us afraid before doing them. Embrace newness of events with this wonder that the monk refers to here and you may find an excitement you failed to see before.

"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand-new hours to live.What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others."

Yes as a new parent morning may come sooner than you wanted with little sleep from the night before... but I love the way God brings the darkness at night and the sun in the morning as a way to remind us it is new day- a new time to start over- to move forward on a new journey.

Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see. The question is whether or not we are in touch with it. We don't have to travel far away to enjoy the blue sky. We don't have to leave our city or even our neighborhood to enjoy the eyes of a beautiful child. Even the air we breathe can be a source of joy."

So hold your baby in your arms- sniff that beautiful baby smell into your nostrils. Realize it is a new day, a new journey, a new experience... and live!

"We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment."